The New Tech Giants Acronym Just Dropped

Content There's a repo on Github containing some scripts used by a tech employee that his coworkers discovered after he left the company. Here's a summary of his shenanigans: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xXx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those Reply 4 10.3k J

Content YOUR CODE IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE WORST I HAVE EVER RUN BUT IT DOES RUN ProarammerHumor.io

Content CODE ALL DAY- DEBUG ALL NIGHT PARTYNEVER.

Content Arne Brasseur plexus Tony Hoare: null was my billion-dollar mistake javascript: takes long drag on joint ...what if we had, like, two of them?

Content There are concerns among my customers that we will be replaced. By what? Humans.

Oh. My. STARS! The client said the requirements were "final" but that word means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the software universe! 🌌 Just like Darth Vader declaring he's "altering the deal," product managers swoop in with their cape of chaos and dramatically announce changes to what was supposedly SET IN STONE just yesterday! And you, poor developer, can only stand there like a helpless rebel, praying to the code gods they don't decide the app needs to "just quickly add blockchain" five days before launch. The Force is NOT with your project timeline! 💀