Tech jobs Memes

Ah yes, the classic interview question that makes everyone suddenly develop amnesia about their childhood dreams. "I wanted to change the world! Innovate! Create!" Nah, who are we kidding? We saw those Silicon Valley salary packages and suddenly algorithms became VERY interesting. Nothing says "passion for technology" quite like realizing you can afford guacamole at Chipotle without checking your bank account first. The brutal honesty is refreshing though—at least Mr. Krabs here isn't pretending he got into CS because he was "fascinated by computational theory" at age 12.

Oh, you sweet summer child thinking your job description actually means something! Here we have a job posting that's basically describing the bare minimum requirements for being a sentient human being. Can you sit? Can you use your FINGERS? Can you comprehend SPOKEN LANGUAGE? Congratulations, you're qualified for this $86k-$130k position! The "abilities" section reads like someone asked an AI to describe what humans do, but the real kicker is they're treating basic human functions as job qualifications. "Have finger dexterity to use a keyboard" – wow, revolutionary! Next they'll require you to have the ability to breathe oxygen and blink occasionally. But wait, there's more! They threw in "paid maternity leave" at the top like it's some kind of luxury perk instead of, you know, a basic human right in most developed countries. The whole thing screams "we're going to make you do EVERYTHING that wasn't mentioned here" while pretending to be transparent. Classic corporate move – describe being alive as job requirements so they can later claim literally any task falls under your abilities. Need you to fix the office plumbing? Well, you DID say you could extend your hands in any direction!

Ah, the resume of the future. This person has mastered time travel before mastering job retention. Three prestigious tech companies, three one-day stints, all in the future. Either they're spectacularly bad at their job or they've discovered how to get fired across the space-time continuum. Pro tip: When fabricating your work experience, at least pretend you can hold a job longer than it takes to find the bathroom.

Ah yes, corporate problem-solving at its finest. Developer: "I'm burning out." HR: "Here's a survey." Developer: *honestly admits burnout* HR: "You're fired." Problem solved! Just like how I fix memory leaks by shutting down the server. Can't have burnout if you don't have employees. The classic "have you tried turning it off and not turning it back on again" approach to human resources.

The classic corporate bait-and-switch. Job listings promising a "fast-paced and exciting environment" while the reality is a soul-crushing beige cubicle with hardware from 2007 and three binders that haven't been opened since the Bush administration. That monitor has witnessed more existential crises than a philosophy major. The only "fast-paced" thing here is how quickly your will to live evaporates after the orientation week pizza party. Somewhere in that cubicle is a sticky note with a password that hasn't been changed in 5 years, right next to a dying plant that's more hydrated than the developer who sits there.