The Three-Hour SQL Master Plan

Someone just ransomwared your database and they're only asking for 0.0048 BTC ($150)? That's the digital equivalent of having your car stolen and the thief leaving a note saying "I'll give it back for bus fare." Detroit's cyber criminals apparently have the same pricing strategy as their street criminals - dirt cheap and oddly specific.

Content C Closed miku-chan03 opened this issue on 18 Oct 2017 2 comments miku-chan03 commented on 18 Oct 2017 Contributor HI 1 fixie wixied the JSON-api fucksy wucksie!!! xp I repwaced the Prototypes. func wiff a more -streamlined- kawaii Pwototypiee. funkywunks object that make the JS go sooper dooper fast!! XD starts twerking Can u pwease merge my pwull wequest senpai?!! UwU gaearon commented on 19 Oct 2017 Contributor what in the name of fuck gaearon closed this permanently on 19 Oct 2017

Content SELECT FROM Select From select from SeLEct fRoM

Content North Yorkshire apostrophe fans demand road signs with now taken out Council says punctuation mark must go to suit computer databases, but grammar purists see signs of falling standards ST. MARY'S WALK A road sign for St Mary's Walk in Harrogate with its apostrophe intact in May 2022. Photograph: Google Maps

MongoDB's marketing team really nailed their priorities here. Forget trivial things like your compensation, burnout, or work-life balance - the only legacy that matters is knowing their database is "web scale." For the uninitiated, "web scale" became a tech buzzword after a famous parody video where a MongoDB enthusiast repeatedly screams "it's web scale!" while a MySQL user questions what that actually means. The phrase became shorthand for "sounds impressive but possibly meaningless tech jargon." Nothing says "I've made it in tech" quite like remembering marketing slogans instead of your actual life experiences. Your therapist would have a field day with this one.

When a site tells you "your new password can't be the same as your old password," they're supposed to be comparing hashed values, not storing your actual password in plaintext. If they know what your old password was , they've already failed Security 101. The fact that a Fortune 500 company did this is like finding out your bank keeps everyone's money in a shoebox under the receptionist's desk. Ten years in tech and I'm still amazed at how many multi-billion dollar companies can't figure out basic password security.