The Blind Query Optimization

Content File: 71Xz6ei.png (648 KB, 610915) Anonymous (ID: us 1iXD6Q) 060614(Fri)17:30:27 No. 549923098 be me world's greatest hacker 1 on FBI's most wanted list but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history just got done hacking entire internet now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com epic lulz one of my hackerbros messages me on AIM tells me that 4201337h4x0r 420, my 1 hackerbro, has been arrested they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode word on the street is he's already ratted me out look out window FBI helicopters circling overhead hah! those bastards don't know who they're dealing with open up internet explorer get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com oh yeah, forgot about that run disableblackpeoplemeet.exe now it's time for some world class hacking go to fbi.govhack fuck, there's a password something appears on the bottom right corner of my screen it's that goddamn talking paperclip "it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" fuck off clippy, i'm trying to work here "it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" click the little fucker just to make him shut up clippy gives me the password guess he's not so bad after all now that i'm in, i go to fbi. govhackhelicopters "congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" "A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" go with option E BOOM, baby flaming helicopters fall from the sky mfw

Content rAskReddit uS Eleni 12h After you die, you get access to a database with all the information ever known or collected throughout human history. What do you search for first? Discussion T 4.5k 2.0k Share BEST COMMENTS NicNoletree 11h 1 Award Find out what database software they use, how much data they have, and begin looking at the table structure and relationships. Reply 4 1.4k jeremy1015 6h Plot twist: It's Mongo and the entirety of human history is stored in a single JSON object. The top level is a key called "events" and the value is an unsorted array. 4 217 J JuniorSenior Trainee 3h Turns out god is a really nervous DB admin waiting for the inevitable. All the Apocalypse stuff in the Bible was actually just a misunderstanding of him saying "Guys you don't get it, I literally built this shit in seven days when I probably should've spent years on it. But management was pressuring me to deliver in seven days so I had to hack together this garbage and it will definitely break any minute now. 159 Ar4n 2h Mistranslation in the Bible. On the 7th day he tested.

Content WHEN YOUR SOLQUERY RETURNS DERRORS BUTO RESULISTOO

Content FUCK BOOLEANS ORACLE Micros SQL Server ALL MY HOMIES USE BIT imaflip.com

Ah yes, the classic "I just discovered databases 101 and now I'm a cybersecurity expert" moment. Nothing says "world's best programmer" like not understanding that primary keys exist. Next up: shocking revelation that arrays start at 0, not 1! The real fraud here is claiming to understand database architecture after what was clearly a five-minute Google search. If only Stack Overflow had a "close as billionaire misconception" option.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute TRAGEDY of frontend developers' social lives! 😭 The punchline is a DEVASTATING play on SQL's "JOIN" operation versus physically joining a table in real life. These poor souls can create breathtaking interfaces but can't figure out basic cafeteria mechanics! The horror! The irony! They spend all day connecting data with complex JavaScript but can't connect with ACTUAL HUMANS over lunch. It's the most dramatic case of professional skills NOT transferring to real life I've ever witnessed! Someone please send help... and maybe a tutorial on "How to Socialize: For People Who Only Talk to Browsers".