I Love Binary

Content Subject Out of the office 731 - 87 Re: Urgent Changes 2:35 AM I am out of the office because I've met all of my deadlines after 3 weeks of no sleep because everyone else was late. If this is an urgent matter, please kindly fuck off and plan ahead next time. Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my end. I'll be in touch as soon as I listen to all of your voicemails where you read through all of the emails that I haven't responded to yet. Thanks!

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Content Interviewer: Please explain to me how quaternion rotation works in detail. Me: imatip.com

The bravest programmer suddenly turns into a quivering mess when confronted with an open air computer case. Nothing strikes fear into the heart of a dev quite like those dust-collecting, static-electricity-attracting, cat-hair-magnetizing monstrosities. One accidental sneeze and your $2000 rig becomes an expensive paperweight. The only people who voluntarily use open air cases are the same people who test in production and don't use semicolons in JavaScript.

The evolution of a developer's "random" number generation techniques is a journey through increasingly elaborate overkill: First, you start with uuid() like a reasonable person. Then you discover Date.now() and think "timestamps are random enough, right?" (Narrator: they weren't). But wait! What if we combine timestamp + Math.random()? Now we're cooking with paranoia! And finally, the nuclear option: timestamp + uuid() because clearly the universe itself isn't random enough without our help. Meanwhile, cryptographers are quietly sobbing in the corner while production systems generate "totally random" IDs that are just timestamps with extra steps.

Content Why I quit my programming job to become a diamond miner. I used to be a programmer. I worked in an office, staring at a computer screen all day. I was good at my job, but I wasn't happy. Then I found out about diamond mining. The thing about diamonds is that several armed groups are fighting over control of the mines. But my C skills transfer pretty well to my AK-47. Sure, the work is hard. I have to be constantly on the lookout for land mines, and the pay is terrible. But I'm my own boss, and I get to work outdoors. And the best part is, I don't have to deal with people asking me to fix their printer anymore.