Job security Memes

Posts tagged with Job security

The JavaScript Framework Apocalypse

The JavaScript Framework Apocalypse
The evolution of web development in four panels! Started with the innocent dream of "build the internet" - so pure, so simple. Then we added some HTML/CSS because, you know, websites should look pretty. But then... oh no... the JavaScript framework apocalypse struck! Now we're all frantically learning 17 new frameworks before breakfast just to stay employable. Remember when you could just FTP a single HTML file to a server and call it a day? Now you need 4GB of node_modules to display "Hello World". The modern web: where your simple todo app requires more computing power than NASA used to reach the moon.

Don't Worry About ChatGPT, Sweetie

Don't Worry About ChatGPT, Sweetie
Oh honey, look at these programmers having their little existential crisis over ChatGPT! Meanwhile, mathematicians are standing there like the seasoned gallows veterans they are, rolling their eyes SO HARD they can see their own brain. πŸ’… Calculators literally DECIMATED mathematical jobs decades ago, and these math wizards just adapted and found more complex problems to solve. But sure, programmers, keep clutching those mechanical keyboards while sobbing into your Stack Overflow bookmarks! First automation rodeo, sweetie?

Limit Prod DB Access

Limit Prod DB Access
That moment when you realize your WHERE clause went missing and you just rewrote half the company's customer data. The cold sweat. The panic. The desperate hope that someone's going to tap you on the shoulder and say "just kidding, there's a backup." But deep down, you know... your resume needs updating faster than those 12 million rows you just mangled.

ChatGPT Vs Programmers: First Time?

ChatGPT Vs Programmers: First Time?
Remember that existential dread when ChatGPT dropped? Programmers lined up at the gallows, convinced our jobs were toast. Meanwhile, mathematicians are just sipping coffee like, "Welcome to the club, rookies." They've been watching calculators steal their thunder since the 70s and somehow survived to tell the tale. The career apocalypse is always "just around the corner" until you realize most tools just handle the boring parts while we move on to more interesting problems. History doesn't repeat itself, but it sure does rhyme.

House Of Cards

House Of Cards
The entire codebase is literally being held up by a single senior developer who's mentally checked out and counting down the days until retirement. Meanwhile, the junior "vibe coders" keep stacking more features on top like they're playing architectural Jenga. That legacy code is one resignation letter away from a catastrophic production failure. Spoiler alert: nobody's documenting anything.

I Have A Job (But At What Cost?)

I Have A Job (But At What Cost?)
The progression from stressed developer to full-blown circus clown perfectly captures the mental gymnastics we perform to justify working with terrible codebases. First, you're mildly annoyed by spaghetti code. Then you're putting on makeup to cope with outdated tech stacks. By the time you're dealing with zero documentation and no version control, you've gone full rainbow wig. But the punchline? "At least I have a job" – the ultimate coping mechanism for professional self-respect. Because nothing says "I've made good career choices" like convincing yourself that employment justifies digital torture.

Rust Is As Rust Does

Rust Is As Rust Does
The C++ programmer's 3 AM nightmare in full display. First the Rust evangelists tell you your beloved language is "unsafe" and you need to switch. Then they warn that all your code will be rewritten in Rust anyway, so prepare for unemployment. Finally, the dream escalates to its horrifying conclusion: "QUIT HAVING FUN" – because how dare you enjoy your pointer arithmetic and manual memory management? It's the programming equivalent of vegans telling meat-eaters they'll die of heart disease while you're just trying to enjoy your steak. Meanwhile, the C++ dev lies awake, haunted by the thought that maybe – just maybe – they should learn Rust before their GitHub contributions become vintage artifacts in the Computer History Museum.

Using Rust Is A Political Solution

Using Rust Is A Political Solution
Finally, someone said the quiet part out loud. Every time management pushes for a shiny new tech stack, my bank account feels a disturbance in the force. That moment when your 15 years of C++ wizardry becomes less valuable than a junior who completed "Rust in 30 Days" on Udemy. Memory safety? More like salary safety... for the company. The tech industry's greatest magic trick: convincing us that rewriting perfectly functional systems is about "innovation" rather than resetting the salary clock. Same playbook as when they renamed "programmers" to "software engineers" to "developers" to "ninjas" - different title, same work, fresh salary bands. Guess I'll start learning Rust while updating my LinkedIn to "Blockchain AI Quantum Rust Developer" to stay relevant until the next language comes to destroy my market value.

Yeah Sure Buddy

Yeah Sure Buddy
THE AUDACITY! A product manager who can't even write requirements without a 50-question interrogation suddenly becomes an AI prophet?! Honey, if you can't tell me what button color you want without changing your mind 17 times, I'm supposed to believe you understand the future of artificial intelligence?! The green monster hand of skepticism is PRESSING X TO DOUBT so hard right now. Sweetie, AI might replace a lot of things, but it'll need actual requirements to do so - something you're physically incapable of providing! Come back when your "visionary roadmap" isn't written in crayon and wishful thinking!

The Revenge Code Backfire

The Revenge Code Backfire
Ah, the classic "Am I the villain?" moment every developer has when they discover that their "just in case" code could actually land them in prison. Turns out embedding vengeful time bombs in production systems is frowned upon by both employers and the legal system. Who knew? Pro tip: If your exit strategy involves felony charges and a decade behind bars, maybe just settle for a passive-aggressive goodbye email instead.

Today Will Be The Day You Will Always Remember As The Day, You Almost Understood My Code

Today Will Be The Day You Will Always Remember As The Day, You Almost Understood My Code
Writing incomprehensible code isn't a bugβ€”it's a feature. That senior dev who writes cryptic one-liners with zero comments? They're not sloppy; they're building their legend. Nothing says job security like being the only one who can decipher your own arcane syntax. Sure, your code review might be a disaster, but at least they'll remember your name when the production server catches fire at 3 AM and you're the only one who can fix it. Infamous is still famous in git blame.

Vibe Coding Won't Replace Me

Vibe Coding Won't Replace Me
Left guy's in denial about AI coding tools while right guy's already seen the git blame logs from the future. The eternal cycle continues: new tech emerges, developers panic, then end up maintaining the mess it creates. The only constant in programming is cleaning up after the latest "revolutionary" tool. Just wait until we're all writing prompts to fix the prompts that fixed the code that broke the system.