Works Locally (And Makes $70K)

Some tech talks make you question reality itself. This guy's up there presenting "Building Mobile Apps With PHP" with the confidence of someone who's never encountered a modern framework. It's like watching someone enthusiastically explain how to commute to work on a horse and buggy in 2023. Every mobile developer in that audience is either having an existential crisis or frantically checking if they accidentally time-traveled back to 2009. The speaker probably follows this up with "And for optimal performance, we'll deploy to Blackberry first!"

Nothing says "objective feedback" quite like giving yourself a 5-star review. The developer here has achieved the rare feat of being both his app's creator AND its biggest fan! Self-validation at its finest—because if you don't believe in your code, who will? The best part is the shameless confession: "I'm the author and I think it's a very good app." At least he's honest about his bias, which is more integrity than most git commits have. That perfect 5.0 rating is technically accurate when your sample size is... yourself.

The classic Apple developer nightmare: spend months building a killer app, then watch Apple casually add it as a native feature in the next iOS update. Remember those flashlight apps that once dominated the App Store? Yeah, Apple just said "nice idea" and built it right into the OS. This is basically the Silicon Valley version of natural selection. Your brilliant startup idea is just one Apple keynote away from extinction. Submit your app today, see it in the next iOS release tomorrow! It's like feeding your code directly to the mothership and hoping they don't find it delicious enough to steal.

Oh honey, you thought developing the app was the hard part? SWEETIE, PLEASE! 💅 That's just the warm-up! You climb that mountain of code thinking you're about to plant your victory flag when SUDDENLY the terrain shifts and you're facing the FINAL BOSS: App Store Approval! It's like getting dressed for prom only to have your outfit rejected by the world's pickiest bouncer. "Your button is 2 pixels too blue, DENIED!" The emotional rollercoaster from "Almost done!" to "Oh yes!" to "OH DEAR GOD WHY?!" is the developer's equivalent of thinking you've finished a marathon only to discover you've actually signed up for an ultramarathon... through a volcano... while carrying your grandmother on your back.

Spent 6 weeks perfecting that "simple and intuitive" fingerprint scanner, only for users to try scanning with their knuckles. No matter how foolproof you think your UI is, someone will always find a way to use it wrong. It's like building a door with a giant "PUSH" sign, and watching people pull it anyway. The gap between designer intention and user reality is where dreams go to die.

Oh great, now I can disappoint my manager while checking the time! Someone actually got VS Code running on an Apple Watch, which is both impressive and completely unnecessary—like implementing blockchain in a todo app. Sure, the screen is tiny, the keyboard non-existent, and you'll develop carpal tunnel in your neck from squinting, but hey—you can technically say "I'm coding" while pretending to check if it's time for lunch yet. The saddest part? Some startup is definitely adding "Apple Watch compatible" to their job requirements as we speak.