Works Locally (And Makes $70K)

The existential crisis of modern software development: creating apps so needy they develop separation anxiety. That grocery list app just committed the cardinal sin of software design—acting like it has feelings and deserves attention. Every developer who's implemented these "engagement" notifications is now sweating nervously. Remember when software just... did its job without emotional manipulation? The power dynamic here is crystal clear: one entity exists as a bunch of if-statements in a digital void, while the other pays the electricity bill. The beautiful rage of "I could replace you with a pen and receipt" hits different when you realize it's technically true. Nothing says "healthy user relationship" like threatening digital homicide against your grocery tracker.

The evolution of tech vocabulary is brutal! Back in the day, we had precise terminology like "application," "program," and "operating system." Now? Everything's just an "app." Need to compile code? There's an app for that. Running a critical system daemon? Just another app, bro. Even your meticulously crafted shell scripts? Yep, apps. It's like watching your carefully organized toolbox get dumped into a single drawer labeled "stuff that does things." The smug face in the corner is every marketing department that successfully convinced us precision is overrated. Who needs technical accuracy when you can have simplicity?

The mobile developer's version of "bring your kids to work day" gone horribly wrong. Someone just wrapped their children in a LiquidGlassView component, which I'm pretty sure violates both React Native best practices AND several childcare laws. The real tragedy? Those kids are now stuck with a terrible UI refresh rate and probably no escape method. Should've used ScrollView so they could at least swipe away from their parent's terrible coding decisions.

Spent 6 weeks perfecting that "simple and intuitive" fingerprint scanner, only for users to try scanning with their knuckles. No matter how foolproof you think your UI is, someone will always find a way to use it wrong. It's like building a door with a giant "PUSH" sign, and watching people pull it anyway. The gap between designer intention and user reality is where dreams go to die.

Ah yes, the great AI revolution. Step 1: Take existing app. Step 2: Slap on a swirly logo with some hexagons. Step 3: Add "AI" somewhere. Step 4: Profit. Remember when we used to actually code things? Now we just prompt an LLM and hope it doesn't hallucinate our database credentials into a public repo. The modern equivalent of "just add blockchain" from 2017, except this time with more venture capital and fewer functioning products.

Ah yes, the classic "I have no skills but want to build the next billion-dollar tech product" message. Nothing says "weekend project" quite like casually asking a stranger to clone an entire iPhone 15 Pro when you can't even code a "Hello World" program. This is the programming equivalent of saying "I don't know how to boil water, but could you help me cater a 12-course meal for the Queen tomorrow?" The beautiful irony is they misspelled "project" as "peoject" in the email subject line. Perfect foreshadowing of the technical expertise to come.