Developer excuses Memes

Posts tagged with Developer excuses

The #1 Programmer Excuse For Legitimately Slacking Off

The #1 Programmer Excuse For Legitimately Slacking Off
The ULTIMATE get-out-of-work-free card has been DISCOVERED! 🏆 When your Docker image is building, you're basically held hostage by technology—a prisoner of progress! The build process can take FOREVER (or at least long enough for a coffee, snack, and existential crisis). Even your boss can't argue with the sacred "Docker is Building" excuse. They might try to question your productivity, but once they see that terminal crawling with build logs, they'll dramatically retreat in technical defeat. The perfect crime! Docker: simultaneously revolutionizing containerization AND procrastination since 2013!

What If Companies Do So Much With TS/JS To Save Compile Time Coffee Breaks?!

What If Companies Do So Much With TS/JS To Save Compile Time Coffee Breaks?!
The eternal battle between compilation time and coffee breaks! While we're all busy pretending to wait for C++ to compile so we can scroll Reddit, TypeScript/JavaScript devs are out here ruining the sacred tradition with their interpreted languages. The conspiracy board in the background perfectly represents the chaotic thought process of someone trying to justify why their build still needs 20 minutes in 2023. "But optimization takes time!" Yeah, and so does my third coffee, thank you very much.

The Compile Circle Of Life

The Compile Circle Of Life
The perfect excuse for slacking off has evolved over the decades. First it was "my code is compiling" (the classic), then "my AI is training" (the upgrade), followed by "my LLM is thinking" (the premium model), and now we've come full circle back to "my code is compiling" because why fix what isn't broken? The longer the wait time, the longer you can sip coffee and stare blankly at your screen while your manager slowly loses their will to question you. Nature's perfect defense mechanism for developers in the wild.

Just Ship The Whole Desk To The Customer Already!

Just Ship The Whole Desk To The Customer Already!
Ah, the eternal developer mantra: "It works on my machine!" – the universal get-out-of-jail-free card that drives product managers to the brink of insanity. When your code is held together by duct tape, caffeine, and that specific arrangement of lucky rubber ducks on your desk, of course shipping the entire workstation seems like the only logical solution. Why bother with reproducible steps when you can just FedEx your entire development environment? The product manager's face is basically every non-technical person who's ever had to translate "it works on my machine" into actual customer support. Meanwhile, the reasonable developer on the right is that one team member who actually documents their code and doesn't rely on 47 undocumented environment variables to make their application run.

ChatGPT Is Becoming A Real Engineer

ChatGPT Is Becoming A Real Engineer
ChatGPT has officially completed its transformation into a real software engineer by mastering the ultimate developer defense mechanism: "It works on my machine." The sacred incantation that has shielded programmers from responsibility since the dawn of computing has now been adopted by AI. Next up: blaming the user's configuration, suggesting a system reboot, and proposing we rewrite everything in Rust. The student has truly become the master.

Explain Tech Debt Like I Am 5

Explain Tech Debt Like I Am 5
This is the perfect children's book explanation of tech debt! The dog Haggis never fixes his roof because when it's raining, it's too wet to work (aka "we're too busy putting out fires to refactor"), and when it's sunny, it doesn't need fixing (aka "why fix what isn't breaking production right now?"). Meanwhile, the ladder in the sunny picture is the perfect metaphor for the tools we finally get approved in the budget once the problem becomes critical. By then, the dog is desperately hanging out the window while his house slowly deteriorates. The real kicker? That ladder isn't even tall enough to reach the roof. Just like how management finally approves refactoring but only gives you two sprint cycles to fix three years of shortcuts.

Not Today, Legacy Code

Not Today, Legacy Code
The moment your boss asks you to revisit that legacy codebase you abandoned six months ago. You swagger in confidently, only to discover your tests are as broken as your promises to "document everything properly next time." Red error messages as far as the eye can see. Time to mysteriously develop a sudden case of food poisoning.

It Works On My Machine And I Refuse To Investigate Further

It Works On My Machine And I Refuse To Investigate Further
The classic developer mantra in its final form. The building is literally being held up by a series of desperate else if statements—just like that legacy codebase nobody wants to touch. Sure, it hasn't collapsed yet , but one strong breeze (or edge case) and the whole thing comes crashing down. But hey, ship it to production anyway! Nothing says "technical debt" quite like architectural support beams labeled with conditional logic. The best part? Some poor soul will inherit this masterpiece and wonder why there's no documentation explaining why the 17th else if is load-bearing.

Programmers Have The Best Excuses

Programmers Have The Best Excuses
The eternal game show of developer excuses! That smug cat knows exactly what we're all thinking when faced with the dreaded "it doesn't work" complaint. Each answer represents a classic defense mechanism from our collective programming trauma: A) "Somebody must have changed my code" - The ghost in the machine defense, perfect for teams with sketchy version control. B) "I haven't touched the code in weeks!" - The temporal alibi, as if code degrades like milk left in the sun. C) "It worked yesterday" - The quantum uncertainty principle of programming. Schrödinger's bug, if you will. D) "It works on my machine ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" - The final boss of developer excuses, complete with the universal shrug of technical absolution. The correct answer? All of the above, simultaneously, while quietly checking if you forgot to push that critical fix.

Send Help: The Existential Crisis Of Expensive Hardware

Send Help: The Existential Crisis Of Expensive Hardware
The existential crisis of high-end hardware is beautifully captured here. You spend $3k on a beastly rig with enough processing power to simulate quantum physics, only to use it for... streaming cat videos and incognito browsing? The robot's initial philosophical questioning followed by the devastating realization is basically every developer who convinced themselves they "needed" 64GB RAM and a 12-core CPU for "compiling" and "virtualization." Meanwhile, we're all just Rick at the breakfast table, casually exposing the uncomfortable truth while Summer judges our life choices.

What Even Is Unit Test Coverage

What Even Is Unit Test Coverage
The eternal battle between logic and laziness in a developer's brain. Three compelling reasons to write unit tests (better code quality, "only takes 10 minutes," and peer pressure from literally everyone) versus the single, all-powerful counterargument: "I don't wanna." And guess which side wins? The conclusion says it all! The perfect representation of how our brains somehow manage to override all rational decision-making with pure, undiluted procrastination. It's like having a PhD in excuse-making while failing Adulting 101.

Todo Fix Next Sprint

Todo Fix Next Sprint
The eternal interrogation room of software development. One developer asking about "future refactoring" is basically code for "we know this is terrible but we're shipping it anyway." It's that awkward moment when everyone silently acknowledges the technical debt being created, but nobody wants to be the one to delay the sprint. The code smells so bad it needs an interrogation room to confess its crimes, but hey—we'll fix it "next sprint" (narrator: they never did).