Developer excuses Memes

Posts tagged with Developer excuses

Proof Of Concept: The Ultimate Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free Card

Proof Of Concept: The Ultimate Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free Card
Nobody wants to hear "it's a piece of crap" during code review. But saying "it's just a proof of concept" grants you immunity from criticism while still shipping the same garbage to production. The sacred incantation that transforms technical debt into "visionary architecture" without changing a single line of code.

Trust Me Bro: It's Expected Behavior

Trust Me Bro: It's Expected Behavior
DARLING, the AUDACITY! 💅 Developer swoops in with the classic "it's expected behavior" defense while making intense eye contact with the tester who's basically BEGGING for proof. The tester's face is SCREAMING "citation needed" while the dev is serving "trust me bro" realness. It's that magical moment when documentation is nowhere to be found and requirements are apparently written in invisible ink! The ultimate developer escape hatch - if you can't prove it's wrong, I'll just declare it right by divine coding intervention!

It Works On My Machine

It Works On My Machine
The universal developer escape hatch strikes again! Nothing quite captures the cold sweat of a PM meeting like when they ask why the app is crawling like a turtle in molasses, and you're sitting there knowing full well it's probably because you're running it locally with 32GB RAM while production has the computing power of a toaster. The classic "works on my machine" defense is basically the developer equivalent of a kid saying "wasn't me" with chocolate all over their face. At this point, we should just start shipping our laptops to customers instead of code.

The Ostrich Algorithm: Official Bug-Fixing Strategy

The Ostrich Algorithm: Official Bug-Fixing Strategy
Ah, the infamous "Ostrich Algorithm" – the unspoken backbone of production code everywhere! When asked how they fixed a bug, the developer proudly admits they just... ignored it. Why waste precious hours hunting down an edge case that happens once in a blue moon when you could be creating exciting new bugs instead? It's not laziness, it's "cost-effectiveness" – the corporate-approved term for "I'll let future me (or some poor junior dev) deal with it." The best part? It's actually documented in computer science, giving us the perfect excuse to pretend our technical debt is actually a legitimate strategy!

Full Rewrite Justification

Full Rewrite Justification
When you discover that fixing a tiny bug means jumping through an obstacle course of spaghetti code, dependency hell, and technical debt... suddenly a complete rewrite seems like the only rational option! It's like trying to remove one Jenga piece but realizing the entire tower is held together by hopes, prayers, and that one intern's commented-out code from 2017. The "Parkour!" reference perfectly captures that mental gymnastics of justifying why touching this cursed codebase any further would be professional malpractice.

Is This Peak UI/UX And Frontend

Is This Peak UI/UX And Frontend
The developer equivalent of "Sorry, I wrote this code on a Friday at 4:55 PM." Instead of implementing responsive design (you know, that thing we've been doing for over a decade), this brave soul just slapped a "Go to desktop" message with the most honest excuse in web development history. Somewhere, a UI/UX designer is having heart palpitations while a product manager frantically adds "mobile responsiveness" to next sprint's backlog. Revolutionary approach to work-life balance though!

The €600 Productivity Solution

The €600 Productivity Solution
Ah, the classic programmer self-deception cycle. First, question if your productivity issues stem from an actual attention disorder. Then immediately convince yourself that the real solution is yet another overpriced peripheral with clicky switches and rainbow lights. The €600 mechanical keyboard won't fix your inability to focus on that bug you've been avoiding for three weeks. But the dopamine hit from hearing those satisfying key presses while you procrastinate on Reddit? Priceless .

Who Wants To Be A Programmer

Who Wants To Be A Programmer
Ah, the four horsemen of developer excuses! That moment when your client hits you with the dreaded "it doesn't work" with zero context, and you're suddenly on a game show with no lifelines. The correct answer? All of the above, in rapid succession, followed by asking them to send a screenshot that will inevitably be a photo of their monitor taken with a potato. After 15 years of coding, I've used every single one of these excuses. My personal favorite is "works on my machine" – the programmer's equivalent of "not my problem" but with just enough technical ambiguity to sound legitimate.

I Guess He Was A Mobile Developer

I Guess He Was A Mobile Developer
When your colleague says they're "on their way to fix your bug" but their license plate literally spells "0WW2FYB" (Oh wait to fix your bug). The debugging equivalent of saying "I'll be there in 5 minutes" while still in bed. That bug report you submitted last sprint? Yeah, it's now a vintage collectible.

Works On My Machine Syndrome

Works On My Machine Syndrome
The ultimate dad joke of debugging in one meme. Patient reports a symptom, and instead of investigating the actual problem, the doctor jumps to the most literal and useless conclusion possible: "I have the same hardware and mine works fine, so it must be YOUR fault." This is basically every Stack Overflow answer where someone reports a bug and the response is "Works on my machine™" — the universal programmer's deflection technique that has solved exactly zero problems in the history of computing.

The #1 Programmer Excuse For Legitimately Slacking Off

The #1 Programmer Excuse For Legitimately Slacking Off
The ULTIMATE get-out-of-work-free card has been DISCOVERED! 🏆 When your Docker image is building, you're basically held hostage by technology—a prisoner of progress! The build process can take FOREVER (or at least long enough for a coffee, snack, and existential crisis). Even your boss can't argue with the sacred "Docker is Building" excuse. They might try to question your productivity, but once they see that terminal crawling with build logs, they'll dramatically retreat in technical defeat. The perfect crime! Docker: simultaneously revolutionizing containerization AND procrastination since 2013!

What If Companies Do So Much With TS/JS To Save Compile Time Coffee Breaks?!

What If Companies Do So Much With TS/JS To Save Compile Time Coffee Breaks?!
The eternal battle between compilation time and coffee breaks! While we're all busy pretending to wait for C++ to compile so we can scroll Reddit, TypeScript/JavaScript devs are out here ruining the sacred tradition with their interpreted languages. The conspiracy board in the background perfectly represents the chaotic thought process of someone trying to justify why their build still needs 20 minutes in 2023. "But optimization takes time!" Yeah, and so does my third coffee, thank you very much.