Screw You Broadcom

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute DRAMA of developers worshipping Docker like it's some life-changing spiritual awakening! 😭 Docker's just sitting there like "guys, I literally just put your code in little boxes so it doesn't throw tantrums on different machines." Meanwhile, devs are having full-blown religious experiences, writing poetry about how Docker saved their marriage and cured their existential dread. The bearded chad represents all of us who spent YEARS in dependency hell before Docker swooped in with its containerization magic. Now we're all cultists, ready to sacrifice our RAM at the altar of the mighty whale! 🐳

Oh look, it's another tech visionary with a "revolutionary" app cobbled together from Stack Overflow snippets and ChatGPT prompts! Nothing says "I understand software development" quite like a CEO dropping 700 spaghetti-coded files with ML models, LLM calls, and a Docker compose file that would make Kubernetes cry. The poor dev is basically being asked to perform digital necromancy on this monstrosity in just two weeks. That resume update isn't writing itself, buddy!

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of these job listings! 💀 Recruiters out here casually asking for someone who can juggle 17 different technologies spanning three programming languages, two frontend frameworks, three databases, four AWS services, Linux admin skills, testing methodologies, containerization, AND orchestration... all while probably offering "competitive salary" (translation: barely above minimum wage). Honey, they're not looking for a "Full Stack Developer" - they're looking for an ENTIRE COMPANY crammed into one exhausted human body! What's next? "Must also make coffee, unclog toilets, and occasionally perform heart surgery"?!

The calm software engineer enjoying his lunch while chaos erupts in the background is the most accurate depiction of job security I've ever seen. While Jira (blue diamond), XState (X logo), Docker (whale), and Webpack (green logo) battle it out in a JavaScript framework death match, our protagonist knows he's the only one who understands the legacy codebase with 15 years of technical debt. The frameworks come and go, but the engineer who wrote that undocumented spaghetti code that somehow keeps the entire company afloat? Absolutely irreplaceable.

Ah, the classic solopreneur delusion! Why validate your idea with a simple landing page when you can disappear into the engineering rabbit hole instead? Nothing says "I'm a serious developer" quite like meticulously crafting a CI/CD pipeline for an app that literally nobody asked for and probably never will. The true entrepreneurial spirit: ignoring market validation in favor of building infrastructure that would impress your developer friends... if only they cared. But hey, at least you'll have the most robust deployment system for your zero users!

Evolution of excuses. Left panel: Developer proudly proclaims "It works on my machine!" while the ops guy silently contemplates career choices. Right panel: Same developer, now with DevOps skills and a suspicious sunburn, declares "It works on my container!" The ops guy's expression remains unchanged – he knows containerized garbage is still garbage, just more portable. We've successfully moved the problem from one isolated environment to another, slightly fancier isolated environment. Progress!