Screw You Broadcom

Behold! The MYTHICAL CREATURE known as the "entry-level developer" according to job listings! 🙄 You want to break into tech? HONEY, PLEASE! First, master 17 programming languages, 3 cloud platforms, every database known to mankind, and while you're at it, BUILD AN OPERATING SYSTEM FROM SCRATCH! The audacity of HR expecting you to wear a "Full Stack Developer" hoodie while carrying a "@SeniorDeveloper" bag and being SURROUNDED by tech logos that would make even a 20-year veteran break into a cold sweat! Entry level position: Must know JavaScript, TypeScript, Python, C#, Ruby, Angular, Node.js, AWS, GCP, Oracle, SQL Server, MySQL, PostgreSQL, Docker, Kotlin, Swift... and we're offering a WHOPPING $15/hour! But there's free coffee in the break room, so... TOTALLY WORTH IT, RIGHT?! 💅

The ULTIMATE get-out-of-work-free card has been DISCOVERED! 🏆 When your Docker image is building, you're basically held hostage by technology—a prisoner of progress! The build process can take FOREVER (or at least long enough for a coffee, snack, and existential crisis). Even your boss can't argue with the sacred "Docker is Building" excuse. They might try to question your productivity, but once they see that terminal crawling with build logs, they'll dramatically retreat in technical defeat. The perfect crime! Docker: simultaneously revolutionizing containerization AND procrastination since 2013!

The tech industry's time paradox strikes again! Imagine helping create Kubernetes and still not having enough experience for a job requiring Kubernetes skills. The recruiter wants 12 years of experience for a technology that's only 10 years old – classic tech hiring logic. It's like asking for swimming experience before water was invented. Next they'll want 5 years of experience with tomorrow's framework.

Pour one out for the classic developer alibi that died on March 19, 2013. The day before Docker launched, developers everywhere enjoyed their final blissful moments of saying "but it works on MY machine!" with zero consequences. Then containerization nation attacked, and suddenly your local environment excuse became as extinct as Internet Explorer's security updates. Now when code fails in production, your team lead just smugly whispers "docker build" while maintaining uncomfortable eye contact.

That single stick propping up the entire infrastructure stack is what we in the business call a "load-bearing hotfix." Sure, we've got Kubernetes clusters, microservices, and five layers of abstraction, but it all hinges on that one bash script written by an intern who left three years ago. The stick is labeled "vibe coding" because that's literally how it works—nobody understands it, but it has good vibes, so we don't touch it.

The eternal struggle of software architects: sweating profusely while staring at two buttons that represent opposing architectural philosophies. One promises the trendy complexity of microservices everywhere, the other suggests keeping things simple. Meanwhile, their finger hovers over the microservices button as if drawn by some mysterious force that compels them to overcomplicate everything. Nothing says "enterprise solution" quite like turning a simple CRUD app into 47 independently deployable services that require their own dedicated SRE team.