The Naming Convention Crisis

Content programing professors Um. whatcha got there? global variables me A smoothie.

Content It savs here that vou have 18 vears of exerience and have fantastic references, and that you have designed and develobed four rulv reatured broiects that were successfully deployed and generated tens of millions of dollars, you have lead multiple teams, and that you have extensive experience in everything we are looking for - except I don't see React.js here. Have you ever used React? Only for personal projects. It's really just a simple Ul tramework and I am very familiar with it thoug Go fuck yourself! You don't have any professional experience, but it looks like you went to a 3-month coding boot camp. Did they cover React.js? You're hired! Oh veah. I've heard that word before! After that boot camp now I can say I'm an expert in React, C, C, Delphi, Diango, Rust, MongoDB, MS SQL Server, Flask, Express.is, Vue.js, Laravel, Angular, Web2Py, FastAPI, Meteor, Bottle, JQuery, Angular, Symfony, Svelte, Jam.py, ASP.NET, Apache, Sails, spring MVC, Zend, YI, Cake, Moo, Python, Kotlin, R. PHP, Go, Swift, VB, MATLAB, Scheme, Racket, Cloiure, Lisp, COBOL, Alice, AWK, Bash, Clean, Cecil, CoffeeScript, Cybil, Kodu, Ladder, Logtalk, JADE, J, Maude, LINQ, Modula, Octave, Orwell, Nemerie, Zeno, X10, WebASM, Umple, TAL, TCL, Scala, Sed, Strand, SBL, Turing, ROOP, QPL, PROMAL, Orc, Oriel, Nu, NPL, MVstic, Mutan, Mercury, Mesa, MOO, ASM, PostaressOL MySQL, SQLite, InterBase, Advantage, Ingres, Raima, FileMakerPro, Access, H2, Firebird, Windows, Unix, Android, macos, Linux, Centos, Ubuntu, OpenS ProDOS, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph. COCKSOFT INC. Cyanide and Happiness Explosm.net

First tweet: "Look at me! I built a SaaS with AI and zero coding! People actually pay for this!" Two days later: "Help! I'm being hacked! My API keys are maxed out, people are bypassing subscriptions, and my database is a dumpster fire!" The classic "I'm not technical" + "I skipped all security measures" combo strikes again. Turns out that building a product without understanding the fundamentals is like building a house with popsicle sticks—impressive until the first strong wind. Friendly reminder: AI can write your code, but it can't protect you from your own hubris. Security isn't just a vibe killer—it's actually kind of important.

Content OH YEAH, BABY! TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT! TALK TO ME LIKE YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT! WE DO BIG DATA USING MONGO THAT'S PERFECT!

Content MySQL OurSOL

Content Must haves this is an AND) N years in a software engineering role supporting real production systems at scale (for reasonable N). You've built shit; you've broken shit; you've gotten the 2am Pager Duty call and saved the day. Experience with Node, Postgres, Snowflake, PrefectAirflow, and other related technologies. If you think these are dumb choices, tell us why. Be smart and get shit done. Be a doer and a risk-taker. Nice to haves (this is an OR) Experience in web 2 ad tech, attribution, or user growth. You know how the Web 2 user sausage is made. Knowledge of and interest in crypto protocols and Web 3 projects. Experience with blockchain data tooling and infrastructure (what little there is). ProdrammerHumor io