Sorry Db, Performance Trumps Purity

Content DON'T USE A SPREAD- SHEET! DO IT RIGHT. BUT A SPREADSHEET WOULD BE SO EASY. IN THE LONG RUN YOULL REGRET I TAKE THE TIME TO WRITE REAL CODE. JUST PASTE THE DATA! TINKER UNTIL IT WORKS! BUILD A LABYRINTH OF ' REGEXREPLACE () AND ARRANFORMULA()! FEEL THE POWER! FIGHT THE TEMPTATION! EVER TRED QUERY() IN GOOGLE SHEETS? IT LETS YOU TREAT A BLOCK OF CELLS LIKE A DATABASE AND RUN SQL QUERIES ON THEM. DON'T LISTEN TO- WAIT. REALLY? YES. AND LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IMPORTHTML (). 00OH.

Content Is Your Child Texting About Programming Languages? What your C obsessed teen's texts actually mean omg - one more generic wtf -wheres the function fml - for my loop idfc - indentation doesn't feel correct lol - logic on loop aka - abhorrent kafkaesque arithmetic rofl - right-oriented frame layout imo - iteration may overload stfu - statically typed feels unwise brb - bad recursion brb

Content Giulio Carrara 3rd Software Engineer 1d Dear recruiters, if you are looking for: - Java, Python, PHP - React, Angular - PostgreSQL, Redis, MongoDB - AWS, S3, EC2, ECS, EKS - nix system administration - Git and Cl with TDD - Docker, Kubernetes That's not a Full Stack Developer. That's an entire IT department. Yours truly 8,801 391 comments

That one-character difference between "deploy" and "destroy" is why senior devs develop eye twitches. John's casual "Good morning, I'm about to destroy the backend and DB" message is the stuff of DevOps nightmares. Even after the desperate calls and pleas, notice how the team member is basically begging John to take a vacation rather than touch anything. When your colleagues would rather pay you to stay home than let you near the codebase, you've achieved a special kind of reputation. The prayer hands emoji is just the universal symbol for "please God don't let this person near our production environment."

Oh. My. God. Witness the ULTIMATE developer meltdown in its natural habitat! 😱 This poor soul has edited a CATASTROPHIC 55 files while battling the eternal nemesis: database connection errors. The passive-aggressive threat to "stop using cursor and never buy its subscription again" is the digital equivalent of flipping a table and storming out dramatically. We've all been there - one minute you're calmly fixing port numbers and SSL configs, the next you're making BLOOD OATHS against your development tools. The +5183/-1294 line changes scream "I HAVE DESTROYED AND REBUILT WORLDS TODAY." This isn't debugging - it's a hostage negotiation between a developer and their sanity!

Behold! The MYTHICAL CREATURE known as the "entry-level developer" according to job listings! 🙄 You want to break into tech? HONEY, PLEASE! First, master 17 programming languages, 3 cloud platforms, every database known to mankind, and while you're at it, BUILD AN OPERATING SYSTEM FROM SCRATCH! The audacity of HR expecting you to wear a "Full Stack Developer" hoodie while carrying a "@SeniorDeveloper" bag and being SURROUNDED by tech logos that would make even a 20-year veteran break into a cold sweat! Entry level position: Must know JavaScript, TypeScript, Python, C#, Ruby, Angular, Node.js, AWS, GCP, Oracle, SQL Server, MySQL, PostgreSQL, Docker, Kotlin, Swift... and we're offering a WHOPPING $15/hour! But there's free coffee in the break room, so... TOTALLY WORTH IT, RIGHT?! 💅