Data modeling Memes

Sorry Db, Performance Trumps Purity

2 days ago 157.0K views 0 shares

The internal monologue of every database architect: "I spent years learning normalization principles, carefully crafting elegant table relationships... and now I'm denormalizing everything because some product manager needs the dashboard to load 0.3 seconds faster." The database gods weep silently as you create that redundant column, knowing full well you're trading future data integrity for a temporary performance boost. It's like watching your beautiful architectural masterpiece get a fast food drive-thru bolted onto the side.

It Goes Into Postgres

Databases Devops Programming Backend

12 days ago 182.0K views 0 shares

Ah, the classic baby shape sorter toy, but make it database . When your data architecture strategy is literally "if it fits, it ships." Junior devs looking at their PostgreSQL database like it's some magical black hole where any data structure can and should go. Who needs schema validation when you have determination and a hammer? PostgreSQL: Technically versatile enough to store your hopes, dreams, and that JSON blob you were too lazy to normalize.

Who's Gonna Tell Him About Primary Keys

Databases Programming Debugging Frontend Backend

1 month ago 164.9K views 0 shares

Ah, the classic primary key violation that no one warned the poor user about. Some developer thought storing age as a unique identifier was a brilliant idea, and now we've got 17-year-olds fighting in the Thunderdome for database supremacy. Next time try using UUID instead of, you know, THE MOST COMMON AGE AMONG TEENAGE USERS. This is what happens when you let the intern design your database schema after a Red Bull all-nighter.

Database Relations Before Human Relations

Databases Programming Backend

1 month ago 217.8K views 0 shares

Database Relations Before Human Relations

When your date asks about relationships but your brain immediately jumps to database cardinality. Sure, I could tell you about my ex, OR I could explain the subtle differences between one-to-many and many-to-many table associations! The look of confusion when you start drawing ER diagrams on napkins instead of writing down your phone number. Dating tip: maybe save the normalization lecture for the second date.

Finally Crawling Back To SQL

Databases Programming Debugging Backend

3 months ago 211.8K views 0 shares

The sweet, sweet embrace of relational databases after spending months in NoSQL hell. You swore MongoDB was the future, but now you're crawling back to PostgreSQL like a desperate ex. "Please take me back, I promise I'll normalize my tables this time." Nothing says "I've grown as a person" quite like appreciating foreign key constraints after trying to manually join documents across collections. The NoSQL hangover is real.

SQL Romantic: Keys To A Good Relationship

Databases Programming Backend

3 months ago 138.3K views 1 shares

SQL Romantic: Keys To A Good Relationship

Nothing says romance like database integrity! When she asks about relationships, he goes straight for the technical truth - you need PRIMARY KEYS to maintain a good relationship... between tables. The perfect pickup line doesn't exi-- wait, it does, but only in normalized form. Ten years of building databases has taught me that relationships without proper keys are just asking for trouble. Just like my dating life.

Machine Learning Orders A Drink

AI Algorithms Math Programming

4 months ago 174.4K views 0 shares

The joke brilliantly skewers how recommendation algorithms work in real life. Instead of having original preferences, ML models basically look at what's popular and say "I'll have what they're having!" It's the digital equivalent of copying the smart kid's homework, but with billions of data points. Collaborative filtering in a nutshell—why make your own decisions when you can just aggregate everyone else's? Next time Netflix suggests that documentary everyone's watching, remember it's just an algorithm at a bar asking what's trending.

Normalization? Never Heard Of Her.

Databases Programming Backend

4 months ago 147.4K views 0 shares

Behold, the perfect metaphor for every "I'll fix it later" database design. That Polish town is what happens when junior devs store everything in one massive table—address, name, payment info, order history, favorite color, and probably their grandmother's maiden name too. Database normalization exists for a reason, folks. Without it, you're just cramming 6,000 entities onto a single street called "users_table_v2_FINAL_ACTUALLY_FINAL.sql" and wondering why your queries take longer than a Windows update.

When Your Front End And Back End Works But The Database Is Messed Up

Databases Programming Debugging Frontend Backend

4 months ago 135.2K views 0 shares

When Your Front End And Back End Works But The Database Is Messed Up

That thousand-yard stare when your frontend is pixel-perfect, your backend logic is flawless, but someone decided to store player names as "FIRSTNAME SECONDNAME" in the database. Eight years of development experience and I'm still getting called at 2 AM because production data looks like a placeholder that escaped into the wild. Classic "works on my machine" until the real data hits and suddenly you're explaining to management why the soccer player's actual name isn't showing up during the European Qualifiers broadcast.

One Table Databases

Databases Webdev Programming Backend

5 months ago 195.8K views 0 shares

Just like that Polish town where 6,000 people share a single street address, single-table databases cram everything into one horrific data structure. No relationships, no normalization—just a massive Excel spreadsheet masquerading as a database. The database equivalent of putting your entire life in one drawer and then wondering why you can't find your tax documents. Bonus points if you've added a JSON column to store "flexible" data, you monster.

When Worlds Collide: JSON In SQL Database

Databases Webdev Javascript Programming Backend

5 months ago 249.4K views 0 shares

When Worlds Collide: JSON In SQL Database

Ah yes, the elegant solution of cramming a jumbo jet into a cargo plane—just like trying to shove your beautiful, flexible JSON data into the rigid, tabular prison of SQL. Database architects be like: "It technically fits if we disassemble the wings, normalize the engines into separate tables, and pretend those nested objects don't exist!" Meanwhile, NoSQL developers are watching this disaster unfold while sipping tea.

Worlds Best Programmer Strikes Again

Databases Security Programming Backend

5 months ago 155.9K views 0 shares

Ah yes, the classic "I just discovered databases 101 and now I'm a cybersecurity expert" moment. Nothing says "world's best programmer" like not understanding that primary keys exist. Next up: shocking revelation that arrays start at 0, not 1! The real fraud here is claiming to understand database architecture after what was clearly a five-minute Google search. If only Stack Overflow had a "close as billionaire misconception" option.

Browse

Data modeling Memes

Sorry Db, Performance Trumps Purity

It Goes Into Postgres

Who's Gonna Tell Him About Primary Keys

Database Relations Before Human Relations

Finally Crawling Back To SQL

SQL Romantic: Keys To A Good Relationship

Monitors (affiliate)

Machine Learning Orders A Drink

Normalization? Never Heard Of Her.

When Your Front End And Back End Works But The Database Is Messed Up

One Table Databases

When Worlds Collide: JSON In SQL Database

Worlds Best Programmer Strikes Again

Tech Gadgets (affiliate)

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