Optimization Memes

Posts tagged with Optimization

C Is Faster If You Just Ask It Nicely To Run Python

C Is Faster If You Just Ask It Nicely To Run Python
The pinnacle of language optimization right here. When told C is faster, this Python dev just wrote C code that... calls Python. It's like buying a Ferrari just to tow your bicycle to the race. The system call is literally saying "Hey C, can you ask Python to print Hello World for me?" This is what happens when you take "use the right tool for the job" and interpret it as "use all tools simultaneously for every job."

Code So Weird, It Deserves Its Own Warning Label

Code So Weird, It Deserves Its Own Warning Label
Ah yes, the digital equivalent of finding ancient hieroglyphics. Nothing says "job security" like writing code so complex that even your future self will be baffled. That counter isn't tracking optimization attempts—it's tracking the collective existential crises of every developer who touched this monstrosity. The best part? Somewhere out there is a developer staring at this comment, incrementing the counter to 68, and wondering if therapy is covered by their health plan.

Bow Down To The Increment Master

Bow Down To The Increment Master
The subtle flex of increment operators. Peasants use i=i+2 like they're still writing BASIC on a Commodore 64. Meanwhile, the distinguished gentleman employs ++i++ , casually breaking compiler rules because he's too important for standards. It's the programming equivalent of drinking scotch neat while everyone else has juice boxes.

But You Tried Something

But You Tried Something
Ah, the noble art of optimizing garbage code! It's like meticulously rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. You've spent hours shaving milliseconds off your algorithm that fundamentally doesn't work. "Look at these beautiful O(log n) operations!" you proudly declare while your function returns completely incorrect results. At least when your manager asks why nothing works, you can confidently say, "But it fails really efficiently now!"

Useless Loop: Four Hours Of My Life Gone Forever

Useless Loop: Four Hours Of My Life Gone Forever
Ah, the classic "let me wait for this to finish" trap. The code imports the time module, sets runtime to 14400 (exactly 4 hours in seconds), then runs a loop that sleeps for 1 second... 14,400 times. The kicker? This could've been done with a single time.sleep(14400) . But no, some sadistic soul decided to make the computer wake up 14,400 separate times just to check if we're done yet. We've all been there - watching a progress bar, waiting for a build, or running some unnecessary loop because "that's how the senior dev did it." Four hours later, you're questioning your career choices and wondering if becoming a goat farmer might've been the better path.

I Blame Microservices

I Blame Microservices
THE AUDACITY! Watching an exam website take FOUR WHOLE MINUTES to grade a simple multiple choice test while your programmer brain is screaming that this should take NANOSECONDS! It's like watching paint dry while holding a blow dryer! Those 40 clock cycles could have graded the test, calculated your entire academic future, AND solved world hunger with processing power to spare! Meanwhile, the server is probably just playing Solitaire between each question it grades. The betrayal! The inefficiency! The sheer WASTE of precious milliseconds that you'll never get back! 💀

It's All In The Nanoseconds

It's All In The Nanoseconds
The aristocratic superiority complex of C++ developers in their natural habitat. Shaving 100 nanoseconds off a program's runtime and suddenly they're strutting around like royalty from the 18th century. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just trying to make code that actually works without segfaulting. But hey, if you've ever hand-optimized a hot loop by unrolling it just right, you've probably made that exact same face.

What Can You Say When Speed Costs 990 Lines

What Can You Say When Speed Costs 990 Lines
Ah, the classic C++ vs Python showdown. Your friend spent weeks crafting 1000 lines of pointer arithmetic, memory management, and template metaprogramming to shave off those precious microseconds, then drags you into their cave to show off their benchmark results like they've discovered fire. Meanwhile, your 10-line Python script just quietly gets the job done while you were out having a life. Sure, their code runs 100x faster, but yours was written 100x faster. The real question is: who's got time to maintain those 990 extra lines when the deadline's on Friday?

Simple Optimization Trick

Simple Optimization Trick
Ah yes, the classic "just code it in Assembly" solution! Because nothing says "I'm desperate for performance" like abandoning all modern conveniences and diving straight into the metal. FPS dropping in your RollerCoaster Tycoon clone? Forget optimizing your existing code! Just rewrite the entire thing in Assembly with zero libraries, no engine, no team support—just you and 500,000 lines of raw machine instructions. Who needs sleep or sanity when you can manually manage every register and memory address? The irony is that some legendary games like RollerCoaster Tycoon were actually written mostly in Assembly by programming wizards. But those people weren't normal humans—they were coding deities who probably dreamed in opcodes.

Unity Compression: Where Pixels Go To Die

Unity Compression: Where Pixels Go To Die
Ah, the infamous Unity compression algorithm at work! What you're witnessing is a 3D model that started as a beautiful, high-resolution asset and ended up looking like it was rendered on a calculator from 1997. Unity's asset compression is so aggressive it could compress the Mona Lisa into a stick figure. Game devs spend hours crafting detailed models only for Unity to say "that's cute, let me fix that for you" and turn it into something that looks like it was excavated from the ruins of early PlayStation games. Pro tip: If you squint really hard, you might be able to convince yourself it still looks good in-game!

The Potato Graphics Connoisseur

The Potato Graphics Connoisseur
The eternal struggle between performance and comedy. While everyone's dropping their life savings on RTX cards to see every pore on their character's face, some of us are over here deliberately cranking those settings down to potato quality. There's something deeply satisfying about watching a AAA game turn into a blocky, glitchy mess where characters' faces fold in on themselves during emotional cutscenes. It's the digital equivalent of watching a Shakespeare play performed by kindergartners - technically worse but infinitely more entertaining.

What Can You Say When Speed Costs 990 Lines

What Can You Say When Speed Costs 990 Lines
The eternal C++ vs Python speed debate in its natural habitat! Sure, your friend wrote 100x more code and probably spent 3 days debugging memory leaks just to shave off milliseconds that nobody would notice. Meanwhile, you're chilling with your 10 lines of Python that does the same job and was written during your coffee break. But hey, congrats on those nanosecond optimizations that will definitely matter when calculating how many pizzas to order for the office party! 🔥