House Of Cards: Modern Digital Infrastructure

Every developer's worst nightmare: forgetting to terminate that EC2 instance you spun up "just for testing." You think you're being smart using cloud infrastructure, then AWS sends you a bill that looks like a phone number from a different country. The beauty of cloud computing is you only pay for what you use. The horror of cloud computing is you pay for everything you use—including that t2.micro instance that's been idling for 6 months straight because you forgot it existed. Pro tip: Set up billing alerts. Your bank account will thank you. Or better yet, use the free tier and actually read what "free" means before you accidentally provision a fleet of GPU instances.

Content OH. SO YOU'RE A PROGRAMMER HUH? HACK EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA

Content Generic Name EDUCATION Blue Mountain State, Undergrad September 2018 - May 2022 Graduated with a GPA of 2.33 Minored in Artificial Intelligence with C- grade President of Anime Club PROJECTS Calculator App Supports addition and subtraction and multiplication sometimes. 8000 lines of Java code Built a user friendly interface with command prompt Deployed on AWS 70 code coverage Snoop Dapp Cross platform mobile application built with Ionic Sends a notification at 4:20 am to all users Notifications managed with AWS SQS service Extracts users personal info if notification not acknowledged Stores user information in AWS S3 storage TodoBlock Todo list app constructed on the AWS managed blockchain The decentralized architecture publicly shames the user into finishing their tasks Increased productivity of users by 67 1 111111111 genericnamegmail.com https:github.comGeneric SKILLS Mastered version control with file names Worked extensively with Turing machines ACHIEVEMENTS 13 tshirts from various Hackathons and boot camps

Content PROJECT DEVELOPERS DESIGNERS MANAGERS QA SYSADMINS SEEN BY DEVELOPERS SEEN BY DESIGNERS SEEN BY PROJECT MANAGERS SEEN BY QA SEEN BY SYSADMINS ProgrammerHumor.i

The perfect visualization of software complexity across environments! Production is that chaotic, over-engineered monstrosity with wires hanging everywhere - held together by duct tape, prayers, and that one undocumented hotfix from 2019. QA is slightly more organized but still has those suspicious red cables nobody wants to touch. Meanwhile, Dev is the streamlined, simplified version that magically works on the developer's machine but would explode spectacularly if exposed to real-world conditions. The classic "it works on my machine" syndrome in rocket engine form!

Hiring managers living in a parallel universe where Java has existed since the 1970s and humans code until they're 90. Nothing says "entry-level position" quite like requiring 45 years of experience in technologies that haven't existed that long. Spring Boot was released in 2014, React in 2013, and Kubernetes in 2014 - but sure, let's pretend someone's been mastering them since the Nixon administration. The best part? This is probably still listed as a "junior developer" role paying $45K with "room for growth." Time to dust off that time machine in my garage...