Please Backlog It (Until I'm On Vacation)

The eternal battle between self-proclaimed "real programmers" and the rising "vibe coders" who just ship stuff! This post brilliantly skewers the gatekeeping culture in software development. On one side, we have the GitHub purists judging everyone's code quality, design patterns, and commit messages. On the other, we have people who might Google "how to center a div" 10 times daily but somehow manage to ship working products. The real magic happens when you've internalized enough patterns that you can focus on building rather than constantly looking things up. It's not about memorizing algorithms or being a "real programmer" – it's about getting stuff done while maintaining enough quality to sleep at night. Fun fact: Some of the most successful products in tech history were built by people who would fail a traditional whiteboard coding interview. The code that runs the world isn't always pretty, but it works!

Nothing says "I'm a professional" like joining the 9AM standup meeting from bed, camera reluctantly on, looking like you've been debugging in production all night. That tie says "I'm business-ready" but those dead eyes scream "I pushed to main at 2AM and everything is fine, totally fine."

That magical moment when your brain finally untangles the spaghetti code and the PM swoops in like a vulture. Nothing says "interrupt my flow state" like a manager who can smell a solution from three cubicles away. The "quick 2 mins call" is corporate-speak for "I'm about to derail your entire afternoon while you explain a fix I won't understand but will take credit for in the next sprint review." Homer's desperate dive for the bushes is every developer trying to preserve their precious debugging momentum.

The professor wanted the five phases of software development according to some textbook, but this ABSOLUTE GENIUS wrote down the five stages of grief instead! Denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance—which is LITERALLY what every developer goes through with each project anyway! The blue X marking it wrong is the greatest injustice since they decided semicolons should be mandatory. This student deserves extra credit, a scholarship, and possibly a Nobel Prize for speaking the raw, unfiltered truth about our collective suffering!

The Project Manager is literally taking bullets for the team while developers peacefully sleep through the chaos. That brave PM is intercepting all those client complaints and feature requests with their own body, getting absolutely shredded in the process. Meanwhile, devs are in blissful REM sleep, completely unaware that their inbox would be a war zone without that human shield in green camo. The PM doesn't even get hazard pay for this level of client-facing carnage!

The eternal battle between Agile and Waterfall methodologies played out through a Friends scene. Two project managers trying to one-up each other — she's spelling out "SCRUM" letter by letter while he's just waiting for his punchline: "WATERFALL WITH POKER." That smug smile at the end is every old-school PM who's seen methodologies come and go but still uses their trusty Gantt chart in secret. It's the software development equivalent of "I was doing this before it was cool" but with twice the meetings.