I Know Where This Is Going

The ultimate reverse interview technique! Instead of companies giving you a "trial task" to evaluate your skills, why not flip the script and get paid to evaluate their competence? It's like unit testing a company's management before committing to the full production environment. The number of tech companies that fail this basic responsibility test would crash the entire recruitment system.

The GitHub contribution graph: where your self-worth as a developer gets reduced to little green squares. We've got "Just a Developer" with their random sprinkles of productivity, "The Weekender" who only codes when normal people are partying, and "The Unrealistic Expectations" who apparently never sleeps, eats, or touches grass. Don't forget "Getting Ready to Search for a New Job" with that sudden burst of activity right before updating the resume. The "GitHub Wizard" trying to look consistently productive, "The Mondrian" creating actual art with their commits, and "The Cupid Shuffle" forming little hearts because... why code efficiently when you can make your contribution graph look pretty? Remember kids, quantity of commits ≠ quality of code. But try telling that to recruiters who think your GitHub activity is a personality test.

Game development in a nutshell: level designers toss narrative designers a chaotic mess three months before launch, then casually say "make it make sense." Meanwhile, narrative folks are just stock market traders screaming internally "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CHANGED THE LEVEL? WE RECORDED THE DIALOGUE YESTERDAY!" The true art of game storytelling is retroactively justifying whatever random level elements the designers decided to throw in at the last minute. It's basically professional fanfiction writing under extreme duress.

The eternal developer graveyard of unfinished projects claims another victim. That suggestion to "finish your last project" might as well be suggesting cold fusion or dividing by zero. The look of pure existential dread says it all - we don't start projects, we merely begin permanent relationships with GitHub repos we'll eventually ghost. That folder labeled "projects" on your drive is basically a digital hospice where good intentions go to flatline.

The generational warfare of tech tools is real! We missed medieval knights (too late) and futuristic space marines (too early), but we were perfectly timed for the epic battles of Jira tickets, Slack notifications, and VS Code debugging sessions. Modern developers don't wield swords—we wield Postman requests and fight dragons in our Notion documentation. Our armor is caffeine and Stack Overflow answers, and our battlefield is that 4-hour sprint planning meeting where everyone argues about story points. The irony? We're still playing a game with XP, guilds (teams), and bosses (product managers). Just with more emails and fewer actual swords.

Task estimation in software development is basically just high-stakes gambling with your career. "Shouldn't take long" is the biggest lie in tech, right after "we value work-life balance." The range between "an hour and 11 months" perfectly captures that moment when you know the requirements are vague, the codebase is a nightmare, and three different managers are asking for status updates. Meanwhile, the product owner is already telling clients it'll be done by Friday. Pure fiction, just like those story points we assign in sprint planning.