Programming Memes and Humor · ProgrammerHumor.io

Efficiency

12 minutes ago 2.6K views 0 shares

Why pay for heating when you've got a perfectly good CPU that can hit 95°C under load? Some people benchmark their rigs to flex their specs, but the real pros are out here mining Bitcoin in winter and calling it "dual-purpose computing." Your electricity bill might disagree with this definition of efficiency, but at least you're getting some value out of that thermal throttling. Plus, who needs a space heater when Cinebench can turn your gaming rig into a miniature sun?

Seems Fine

Programming

1 hour ago 21.4K views 0 shares

The eternal struggle between being a responsible student and being a chaotic gremlin who thinks their brain is a RAM stick with infinite storage. Top panel: diligently taking notes like some kind of organized scholar who has their life together. Bottom panel: rawdogging the entire learning experience with pure vibes and prayer, hoping muscle memory will kick in when you need to remember what a closure is at 3 AM during a coding interview. Spoiler alert: it never kicks in. You'll be sitting there sweating bullets trying to remember if it's .map() or .forEach() while your notes gather dust in a forgotten folder titled "Tutorial_Notes_FINAL_v2_ACTUAL_FINAL".

Turning Plasma Into FPS

Hardware Gamedev

2 hours ago 31.5K views 0 shares

When RAM prices are so absurd you're out here donating plasma like it's a side hustle just to afford DDR5-6400. The dedication is real—10 donation sessions to get 64GB of RAM is the kind of commitment most people reserve for their actual jobs. But hey, priorities, right? Can't run Chrome with 47 tabs open on peasant specs. The cookie reference is chef's kiss because plasma donation centers literally give you snacks after draining your life force. Dude's trading bodily fluids for memory bandwidth like some cyberpunk barter system. Worth it for those buttery smooth frame rates and zero stuttering though. Who needs blood when you have 6400MHz of pure speed?

Lord Help Me

Programming Csharp Java Backend

3 hours ago 47.3K views 0 shares

Oh no. Your manager just discovered the Gang of Four book and now thinks they're an architect. What was once a simple 50-line feature is now being meticulously refactored into seventeen different classes, each with its own AbstractFactoryBuilderStrategyObserverDecoratorProxy. Every function call now requires navigating through six layers of indirection because "it's more maintainable this way." The codebase has transformed from a cozy cottage into a sprawling industrial complex where finding anything requires a map, a compass, and possibly divine intervention. Sure, it's "enterprise-ready" now, but you need a PhD just to add a button. The real kicker? Half these patterns are solving problems you don't even have yet. Welcome to over-engineering paradise, population: your entire dev team, all working overtime to understand what used to be obvious.

Everyone Has A Test Environment

Testing Devops Programming Debugging Backend

6 hours ago 70.9K views 0 shares

So we're starting off normal with testing in a test environment—big brain energy, proper procedures, chef's kiss. Then we downgrade slightly to a dedicated test environment, still acceptable, still civilized. But THEN comes testing in production, where your brain achieves cosmic enlightenment and you become one with the universe because you're literally gambling with real user data like some kind of adrenaline junkie. The stakes? Only your entire company's reputation and your job security! And the final form? Running production IN TEST. You've transcended reality itself. You've achieved MAXIMUM CHAOS. Your test environment is now hosting actual users while you're frantically debugging with live traffic flowing through. It's like performing open-heart surgery while skydiving. Absolute madness, pure insanity, and yet... some of us have been there. Some of us ARE there right now.

Resurrect Your Old Spare Computer

Linux Networking Security Devops Hardware

6 hours ago 76.5K views 0 shares

So you dug that dusty 2009 laptop out of the closet, slapped Linux on it, and suddenly you're running a self-hosted VPN, Pi-hole, and maybe a Nextcloud instance. Your friends think you've gone full tinfoil hat mode, but you're just practicing good OPSEC (operational security) like any reasonable person who's read one too many articles about data brokers. The drill sergeant format is chef's kiss here—because yeah, caring about digital privacy in 2024 shouldn't be some fringe conspiracy theory. It's literally just common sense with extra steps. That old ThinkPad running Debian isn't paranoia; it's called not wanting your smart toaster to know your browsing history. Plus, Linux on old hardware is basically necromancy. That machine was practically e-waste until you gave it a second life as your personal Fort Knox. Windows would've needed 45 minutes just to boot.

UML Is Love UML Is Life

Programming Csharp C++ Java Backend

6 hours ago 82.5K views 0 shares

Oh honey, nothing screams "romance on public transit" quite like someone sketching UML diagrams on their phone. Our girl here spots a guy drawing and her heart does a little flutter thinking she's found a fellow creative soul, an ARTIST in the wild! But plot twist—he's drawing class diagrams with methods, attributes, and relationships. The sheer betrayal! The emotional whiplash! She went from "maybe he's sketching the sunset" to "oh god it's a database schema" faster than you can say "inheritance hierarchy." But let's be real, UML diagrams ARE art... just the kind that makes your eyes glaze over in software engineering meetings while your soul slowly leaves your body.

404 Shower Not Found!

Microsoft Webdev Programming Debugging

7 hours ago 100.3K views 0 shares

When your personal hygiene goes offline and returns a 404 error. This shower curtain perfectly captures the developer lifestyle: even basic human necessities get the Internet Explorer treatment. The URL bar reading "http://www.shower.com" with that classic "Cannot find server" message is chef's kiss—because apparently bathing requires a stable internet connection now. The fact that it's styled as Internet Explorer makes it even better. Not only can you not find the shower, but you're also using the browser equivalent of a dial-up modem to search for it. "The page you are looking for is currently unavailable" hits different when you realize it's been three days since your last shower and your rubber duck is judging you. Pro tip: Have you tried clearing your cache? Or maybe just... stepping into the shower? The web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, but your coworkers are experiencing olfactory difficulties.

Actual Convo I Had With Epic Games Support

Gamedev Networking Programming

8 hours ago 111.5K views 0 shares

Actual Convo I Had With Epic Games Support

Support agent really out here suggesting port forwarding for a single-player offline game. That's like telling someone to check their WiFi password when their monitor isn't plugged in. The logic gap is so wide you could fit an entire datacenter through it. But sure, let's forward ports to servers that... don't need to be contacted... because there's no internet. Classic tech support script reading at its finest. Have you tried turning your offline game online?

These Bug Reports Suck

Debugging Programming Linux Testing

8 hours ago 116.3K views 0 shares

When your user reports that the app "glitches and summons a tornado" on their house, you know you're dealing with a special kind of bug report. The expected behavior? "The app crashes instead of summoning a tornado." Because apparently crashing is the reasonable alternative here. The actual behavior is even better: their insurance company dropped them. And the steps to reproduce? "I have no idea. It happens rarely, randomly, and with seemingly no common cause." Chef's kiss. That's the holy trinity of impossible-to-debug issues right there. But wait, there's more! They helpfully included a picture of the tornado. Because nothing says "professional bug report" like attaching evidence of property damage. At least they provided system info though—Ubuntu 25.04 with dual GPUs. Clearly the tornado is a GPU driver conflict. Username "TheBrokenRail" checks out. Can't reproduce, closing as "works on my machine." 🌪️

Print Hello World

Programming

11 hours ago 155.7K views 1 shares

Someone took the assignment a bit too literally. Instead of writing code to print "hello world" to the console, they just... printed it. On paper. With an actual printer. The most efficient solution is often the one that completely bypasses the problem. No compiler errors, no syntax issues, no dependency conflicts. Just pure, unfiltered malicious compliance. Your CS professor is probably having an aneurysm right now. Technically correct is the best kind of correct.

Do You Think Microsoft Understands Consent?

Microsoft Devops Windows

12 hours ago 173.5K views 0 shares

Do You Think Microsoft Understands Consent?

When 99.2% of over 10,000 developers collectively say "no" to Microsoft understanding consent, you know something's deeply wrong. And they're absolutely right. Microsoft has perfected the art of asking permission while simultaneously ignoring your answer. Disabled automatic updates? Cool, we'll just "remind" you every 3 days. Declined the new Edge browser? Here it is anyway, pinned to your taskbar. Said no to Windows 11? Let's show you that upgrade prompt 47 more times. The poll results speak volumes: only 0.8% believe Microsoft respects user choices, while the overwhelming majority knows they'll be "reminded" whether they like it or not. It's not consent if "no" just means "ask me again later." That's just nagging with extra steps. Fun fact: Microsoft's approach to user preferences is basically the digital equivalent of a toddler asking "why?" until you give up. Except the toddler is a trillion-dollar corporation with root access to your system.

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