This Is Your Final Warning

Content rProgrammerHumor PHP bad . 3251

Content Python: What if everything was a dict? Java: What if everything was an object? JavaScript: What if everything was a dict and an object? C: What if everything was a pointer? APL: What if everything was an array? Tel: What if everything was a string? Prolog: What if everything was a term? LISP: What if everything was a pair? Scheme: What if everything was a function? Haskell: What if everything was a monad? Assembly: What if everything was a register? Cog: What if everything was a typeproposition? COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE? C: What if everything was like Java, but different? Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched? Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END C: What if we added everything to the language? C11: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff? Rust: What if garbage collection didn't exist? Go: What if we tried designing C a second time? Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language? Peri6: What if we took the joke too far? PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier? VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program? VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again? Forth: What if everything was a stack? ColorForth: What if the stack was green? PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi? XSLT: What if everything was an XML element? Make: What if everything was a dependency? m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted? Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM? Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM? Lua: What if game developers got tired of C? Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything? Malbolge: What if there is no god? nixcraft

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of these job listings! 💀 Recruiters out here casually asking for someone who can juggle 17 different technologies spanning three programming languages, two frontend frameworks, three databases, four AWS services, Linux admin skills, testing methodologies, containerization, AND orchestration... all while probably offering "competitive salary" (translation: barely above minimum wage). Honey, they're not looking for a "Full Stack Developer" - they're looking for an ENTIRE COMPANY crammed into one exhausted human body! What's next? "Must also make coffee, unclog toilets, and occasionally perform heart surgery"?!

Content PHP is the best language for quickly developing a robust web app CHANGE MY MIND

Content STOP using OOP Object-Oriented Programming ENCAPSULATES your data, RESTRICTING its flow over your program. Let natural selection take its course and randomly choose which of your arbitrarily-named local and global variables to use. Object-Oriented Programming ABSTRACTS data, CONCEALING it from the rest of your program. How do YOU feel knowing the goverment hides data from YOU? Your classes feel the same way. Object-Oriented Programming INHERITS its data, STEALING them from your other classes and passing it off as its own. YOU wouldn't like it if someone stole YOUR code and said it was theirs! Your base classes don't like it either. Object-Oriented Programming makes your classes POLYMORPHIC, treating derived classes as LESS THAN THEY ARE. Interpreting your classes as something they are not is demeaning. It also takes away the STRUCTURE and VERBOSITY that casting and conversion functions create. This is an example of the beauty, simplicity, and elegance of normal, procedural programming. include iostream int main() std:: cout "Hello, World!" std::endl; return OF This is an example of the horrors that OOP creates. This dark-mode friendly propaganda brought to you by the "Go is not 00P as it does not support key OOP concepts such as true polymorphism or inheritance, instead relying on method-based interfaces to pass similar structures" gang

Content PROGRAMMING EXPLAINED WITH MUSIC PHP IS COUNTRI IT SUCKS BUT IT'S EVERYWHERE y toggl JAVASCRIPT 15 A ONE-MAN BAND. IT DOES EVERYTHING (THOUGE): IT PROBABLY SHOULDN'T C IS HARD ROCK - IT USED TO BE PRETTY POPULAR BUT MOST PEOPLE HAVE OUTGROWN CSS IS MUMBLE RAP- ANYONE CAN DO IT AND IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A PROGRAMMER HASKELL IS JAZZ - COMPLEX, BUT INCREDIBLY pOWERFUL AND FLEXIBLE (IF YOU KNOW HOw USE SWIFT IS U2-YOU HavE IT BECAUSE APPLE GAVE IT O YOU JAVA IS AN OBSCURE 17-CENTURY SYMPHONY - YOU HAvE To TAKE A CLASS To KNOW ABOUT IT. LISP IS BLACK METAL - NO ONE UNDERSTANDS IT AND ITS FaNg MaKE PEOPLE NERVOUS MART VIRKUS '19