Someone Cooked Here

Ah, the classic "my app is 845KB but somehow requires a black hole of dependencies." Guy calculates his app size: Vue components (719KB), CSS (34KB), and helper classes (92KB). Seems reasonable at 845KB total. Then he puts his backpack on the scale and BAM – 68GB! That's node_modules for you – where your tiny app becomes a quantum singularity of nested dependencies, 5000 versions of left-pad, and packages you didn't even know existed. It's like going grocery shopping for milk and coming home with the entire dairy farm, three tractors, and a confused cow.

Developers: "I hate PHP! Get that thing out of my face!" Also developers: *aggressively consumes Laravel, a PHP framework* Five minutes later: *quietly making money with the very thing they claimed to despise* The circle of developer life: loudly hating technologies while secretly using them to pay the bills. The dollar signs don't lie.

The hierarchy of unhinged individuals has been established. Serial killers? Scary. Psychopaths? Terrifying. But the true monsters among us? Those developers who somehow write 1000+ lines in Notepad—no syntax highlighting, no autocomplete, no Stack Overflow lifeline—and the damn thing compiles perfectly on the first try. It's like watching someone solve a Rubik's cube blindfolded while reciting pi to 100 digits. Not natural. Not human. I've been coding for 15 years and still can't write a simple for-loop without checking the syntax three times. These people aren't programmers—they're eldritch horrors masquerading in human skin.

STOP EVERYTHING! The Rust evangelists have struck again! 🚨 You haven't even fixed your CSS bugs, but suddenly you're possessed with the BURNING DESIRE to rewrite LITERALLY EVERYTHING in Rust because memory safety is your personality now. Who cares if your project works fine? That ancient C codebase powering the internet for decades? Trash it! Your perfectly functional Python API? GARBAGE! The compiler errors will cleanse your soul as you sacrifice months of productivity at the altar of zero-cost abstractions! It's not a programming language, it's a LIFESTYLE CHOICE!

The eternal lie every VS Code user tells themselves. "Just one more extension and I'll be productive, I swear!" Meanwhile, IntelliJ users are watching from their fortress of integrated features, sipping coffee and judging silently. Truth is, we're all just trying to avoid actually writing code by endlessly customizing our environment. The plugin rabbit hole is deeper than any Stack Overflow thread you've ever fallen into.

The existential horror when your muscle memory betrays you and launches Chrome instead of Firefox. That face isn't disgust—it's the realization that Google just received another data point about your existence. Firefox users treat Chrome like vegans treat McDonald's—something that makes them physically recoil while simultaneously feeling morally superior. The browser wars aren't just about performance anymore; they're about which tech overlord gets to know your embarrassing 2AM searches. And yes, I'm judging you for having both installed.