Please Don't Make Me Go Back There

Content Why someone would use as a first programming language: Python: For it's simple syntax Java: To learn basic computer science concepts C: See Java BASIC: They were in cryogenic storage since 1968 Bash: To make themselves feel productive Git: To actually, why would someone use Git as their FIRST language? HTML: To make themselves feel like a programmer CSS: To make themselves feel like a cooler programmer JavaScript: They have a really good idea for a website TypeScript: They have a REALLY good idea for a website Brainfuck: They want to gain new respect for Alan Turing C: Meth addict that needs the same speed from their language C: Cocaine addict that needs the same speed from their language Carbon: To get a head-start on the 10-year job requirement PHP: Masochism Fortran: Masochism but with a better paycheck Rust: Cult induction Microsoft Excel: To feel like a geek without being a programmer Game of Life: Ooh... pretty squares.

The knight was ready for battle with his mighty sword of TypeScript code, prepared to slay dragons with strict typing and interfaces... until an arrow labeled "as any" pierced right through his helmet. That type assertion just bypassed all his carefully crafted armor of type safety! Nothing defeats a noble TypeScript warrior faster than a teammate who decides type checking is more of a suggestion than a rule.

The modern JavaScript project directory, where config files multiply faster than rabbits. What started as a simple idea now requires 20+ config files just to tell your computer how to run "hello world". The character on the left represents the old-school developer shocked at seeing a modern TypeScript project with its ecosystem of linters, type checkers, and build tools. Meanwhile, the character on the right is just trying to survive in a world where your package.json needs its own support group.

The political compass, but make it nerdy . This chart perfectly maps the tech world's tribal warfare onto a Freedom-Proprietary and Tradition-Disruption grid. In the top-left, we've got the "Libredev" quadrant where bearded Unix wizards and Emacs cultists fight for software freedom while clinging to technologies older than most junior devs. Think GNU/Linux (yes, you must call it that) and C++ codebases that haven't been refactored since 1997. Top-right "Cogdev" is where Microsoft and corporate tech lives - traditional, enterprise-y, and about as free as a subscription service. These are the folks who think Visual Studio is lightweight and unironically use the phrase "synergistic business solutions." Bottom-right "Soydev" quadrant is where you'll find Apple fanboys and JavaScript framework enthusiasts who will rebuild their entire tech stack every six months because some Medium article told them to. They're disrupting the industry by reinventing the wheel with more dependencies. And finally, bottom-left "Hypedev" - home of Rust evangelists and blockchain bros who won't stop talking about how their technology will save humanity. They're all about disruption and freedom, just don't mention that their revolutionary project is still in beta after 5 years.

Content I'm a JavaScript developer You mean TypeScript, right? You mean TypeScript, right? made with mematic Prodrammer-umor.ic

JavaScript and Java are having a nice, civilized conversation while Microsoft casually ignores them to flirt with TypeScript and C#. The absolute AUDACITY! Like watching your friend ditch you mid-sentence to talk to their new besties. Microsoft really said "sorry kids, I've moved on to greener pastures" and left the OG languages on read. The irony? Microsoft literally OWNS TypeScript (they created it) and has been pushing C# for decades. They're not even trying to hide their favoritism anymore. It's giving "sorry I can't hear you over the sound of my superior type systems" energy.