First Thing I Disable, Holy Hell

American developers reaching for their debugging tool of choice when someone suggests running JavaScript on the server. Node.js advocates better run for cover! The only thing more dangerous than JavaScript's type coercion is a developer who's been forced to debug asynchronous callback hell at 2 AM. Second amendment rights apparently extend to protecting your codebase from terrible architectural decisions.

First frame: "Don't shoot! I am JS Developer" with hands up desperately trying to save himself. Second frame: "Explain promises" Third frame: "Shoot" The eternal struggle of JavaScript developers when cornered about explaining async concepts. Sure, they can write promises all day long, but ask them to actually explain how the hell that callback-escaping magic works under the hood, and suddenly taking a bullet seems like the easier option. The callback hell they were trying to escape just became an interrogation hell instead.

Remember when you thought coding was all about building cool holographic interfaces like Tony Stark? Then reality hit and you found yourself debugging a production issue at midnight because someone forgot to escape a single quote in a SQL query. The gap between the fantasy of being a tech genius and the reality of staring at a terminal for 8 hours straight is the true origin story of every senior developer's cynicism.

Forget P vs NP and the halting problem! The real unsolved mysteries of computer science are the everyday nightmares we pretend don't exist. That moving button that plays hard-to-get just as you're about to click it? Pure evil. And don't get me started on trying to send a simple file between devices—apparently easier than putting humans on Mars, yet somehow still impossible without sacrificing a mechanical keyboard to the tech gods. My personal favorite: web developers somehow making simple text and images consume more memory than the entire Apollo mission. Because nothing says "modern web" like needing 16GB of RAM to read a recipe.

Rejecting frontend work? Reasonable. Avoiding backend tasks? Understandable. But the weekend? That's the sacred runtime environment where all my personal processes finally execute without interruption. No standup meetings, no Jira tickets, just me and my neglected side projects that will definitely get finished this time. Definitely.

VSCode just implemented the most accurate geolocation feature ever—detecting you're in Mexico and auto-applying the sepia filter for that authentic "Breaking Bad Mexico scene" experience! Next update: opening it in Russia turns everything grayscale, and Japan gets neon cyberpunk themes. The code doesn't care about your syntax errors anymore—it's too busy matching the aesthetic of your current latitude and longitude.