No Discrimination Please

Billionaire discovers basic database concepts, immediately becomes expert. Classic tech CEO move! Someone should tell him government systems are probably running on COBOL from the 70s with punch cards as backup. The irony of a rocket scientist who doesn't grasp primary keys is just *chef's kiss*. Next week: Elon discovers that computers use electricity and declares it a conspiracy.

The hierarchy of suffering in CS specializations perfectly captured in Toy Story scenes: Cybersecurity and Game Design students? Living the Buzz Lightyear dream - endless identical clones, mass-produced and overconfident. "To infinity and beyond!" (aka "I'll be making six figures right after graduation!") Operating Systems students? That's Woody with the maniacal grin. Sure, they're dealing with kernel panics and memory management, but they're still maintaining their sanity... barely. But those poor souls specializing in Compilers? Straight to the lava pit of despair. They're drowning in parsing algorithms, abstract syntax trees, and the existential dread that comes with implementing a lexer from scratch. Not even the garbage collector can save them from this hell.

Open source maintainers having to explicitly tell contributors not to add malware is like telling a fox not to eat your chickens. That single bullet point in the contribution guide is doing some heavy lifting—as if malicious actors read documentation and go "oh darn, guess I'll have to find another repo to corrupt." The desperate plea of "Please do not add malware" has the same energy as Dora telling Swiper not to swipe. Spoiler alert: Swiper's gonna swipe anyway.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute HORROR of realizing YOU'RE the source of your own catastrophe! 😱 This poor developer just discovered their server is being BOMBARDED by an infinite loop they wrote themselves! That commented-out i++ is the digital equivalent of leaving your gas stove on while going on vacation! The infinite while loop keeps hammering their own server with requests because—SURPRISE—they forgot to increment the counter! It's like watching someone frantically call the fire department while holding a flamethrower in their other hand! The betrayal! The irony! The DRAMA!

The eternal struggle between those who build APIs and those who break them. Up top, we have the "Virgin API Consumer" - shackled by OAuth, rate limits, and the constant fear of a 429 error. Poor soul thinks following documentation is actually making life easier. Meanwhile, the "Chad Third-Party Scraper" lives in digital anarchy. Armed with Selenium, cURL, and an army of captcha-solving minions, this data pirate treats your carefully crafted JavaScript defenses like wet tissue paper. Entire security teams stay awake at night because of this guy's weekend hobby. The irony? Companies spend millions trying to stop scrapers while simultaneously building their own scraping tools. It's the circle of web life.

Who needs formal programming languages when you can just post verification codes on social media? Apparently, "vibecoding" means skipping the IDE and letting 435841 become your new function. Security experts are having heart palpitations right now while hackers are sending thank you cards. Next revolutionary paradigm: programming by accidentally leaking your passwords in GitHub commits.