Honestly Some Of You Deserved To Get Hacked

The classic corporate security theater in action! One dev tells another to "destroy all sensitive documents" and gets a reassuring "gotcha" in response. But what does our blue-tie hero actually destroy? The unit test report! Because who needs evidence of failing tests when you can just shred the evidence? It's the digital equivalent of sweeping bugs under the rug—except the rug is a paper shredder and the bugs are now "undocumented features." Security compliance: technically achieved.

Oh. My. GOD! The absolute HORROR of attempting disaster recovery without a backup! 😱 On the left, we have the beautiful, organized Homer Simpson cake - the epitome of having your data properly backed up. But the right?! That MONSTROSITY is what happens when your production database crashes at 4:59pm on Friday and your last backup was from 2019! It's not even a proper Homer anymore - it's Homer's sleep-paralysis demon after a three-day coding bender! The sheer PANIC in those eyes speaks to my SOUL! This is why DevOps engineers drink heavily and database admins have that thousand-yard stare!

Sure, let's skip the whole "writing secure code" thing and jump straight to "vibe coding" because nothing says good vibes like a security breach at 2AM on a Sunday. Management wanted us to "move fast and break things" — turns out we're exceptional at the breaking part. The glasses just help you see the vulnerabilities better after they've already escaped to production. Security teams hate this one weird trick.

Billionaire discovers basic database concepts, immediately becomes expert. Classic tech CEO move! Someone should tell him government systems are probably running on COBOL from the 70s with punch cards as backup. The irony of a rocket scientist who doesn't grasp primary keys is just *chef's kiss*. Next week: Elon discovers that computers use electricity and declares it a conspiracy.

When the genie says "no wishing for more wishes," every programmer knows there's a workaround. This dev just exploited the classic integer overflow vulnerability! By storing wishes in an unsigned 32-bit integer (max value: 4,294,967,295) and then cleverly manipulating the order of operations, they've essentially created an infinite wish glitch. The coup de grâce? Wishing for 0 wishes. Since the subtraction happens after the wish is granted, they'll still have 4,294,967,295 wishes left. The genie's face says it all - outsmarted by someone who clearly debugs race conditions for a living. And this, friends, is why you always validate your inputs and use proper synchronization primitives. Otherwise some smartass in a code review will point out how your entire wish-granting API can be exploited.

Ah yes, the ancient art of string escaping. What starts as a simple quote becomes an eldritch horror of backslashes after passing through bash, SQL, JSON, and whatever unholy pipeline you've constructed. By the end, your elegant "Hello World" looks like it's trying to escape the matrix: \\\"\\\\\\\"Hello\\\\\\\"\\\" . The only thing multiplying faster than those backslashes is your regret for not using prepared statements.