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Look at that high-end Bugatti with no wheels—just like those fancy Unreal Engine 5 games that look incredible in trailers but run at 12 FPS on actual hardware. Sure, the graphics are mind-blowing, but what good is a sports car (or game engine) when it can't actually move? Six months after launch: "We're optimizing the experience with our latest 50GB patch." Meanwhile your GPU is sweating harder than a junior dev during a code review.

The five stages of debugging condensed into one t-shirt. You start with pure hatred, questioning every life choice that led you to this career. Then you hate it even more as you realize the bug is probably something stupid. Then—plot twist—your code actually compiles and runs without segfaulting. Suddenly you're a genius, dopamine floods your brain, and you love programming again. But here's the kicker: despite that brief moment of euphoria when things work, the underlying relationship with programming remains... complicated. It's like a toxic relationship where one successful deployment makes you forget the 47 merge conflicts and the production bug that woke you up at 2 AM last Tuesday. The shirt perfectly captures that developer bipolar disorder where you oscillate between "I should've been a carpenter" and "I am a code wizard" within the same hour. The title nails it—even after the high of success, the baseline emotion is still despise. We're all just Stockholm syndrome survivors at this point.

Ah yes, the "vibe coder" - stretching fingers, cracking neck, warming up those legs... all for the impossible task of "Make no mistakes." That's like telling a JavaScript developer their code will work on the first try. The physical preparation for absolute perfection is the most relatable programmer delusion ever. We all do this ridiculous pre-coding ritual like we're about to perform brain surgery, only to spend the next 4 hours debugging a missing semicolon.

Content Looking to hire a Jr Data Scientist: - 15 years Python - 30 years SQL - 20 years AWS - 15 years Spark - 15 years Terraform - Core contributor to assembly code base - Team player - Should have some sort of martial arts experience, whether Ninja, Jujitsu, or Karate. All 3 is preferred. - Knows SQL, NoSQL, NewSQL and all future flavors of SQL - Project Management experience - Strong experience with Keras, TensorFlow, Sklearn, XGBoost and preferably has written their own ML library from scratch. - Should have published at least 2 top level academic papers preferably focused around a Convolutional Recurrent Back-propagating Neural Network - Open source contributor at least 5 projects. - Experience leading teams of 10,000 people or more - Managed CICD pipeline for an application with at least 2 billion daily users - Should have at least 1 PhD, 5 is preferred. Yes, we have ping pong tables and an open floor plan and lots of salty snacks in the breakroom. Organic Kombucha on tap. The interviews will consist of a 5 day process of whiteboarding algorithms from scratch followed by writing your own compiler and a coding exam will be taken at random from the 20 most popular programming languages.

Oh. My. GOD. Someone call the design police! This developer has turned their code editor into a calligraphy masterclass with that absurdly fancy font! 😱 The CSS is literally wearing evening attire while the rest of us are coding in sweatpants. That cursive is so extra it's practically signing the Declaration of Independence with every semicolon! How are you supposed to spot a missing bracket when your code looks like it belongs in a Victorian wedding invitation?! And the thumbs down response? UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY. Good luck debugging that masterpiece at 2AM when your eyes are bleeding and every line looks like it was written by a fancy ghost with an art degree!

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