Pick Your Poison: Waterfall Or Agile

Oh honey, the DELUSION is REAL! 💅 These poor souls thinking they've discovered some revolutionary concept where we'll just "write specifications" and *poof* - code appears! The absolute DRAMA when they realize that writing a "comprehensive and precise spec" is LITERALLY JUST WRITING CODE with extra steps! It's like saying "I've invented a way to avoid cooking - I'll just write extremely detailed instructions for someone else to follow!" Congratulations, you've invented a recipe, which is STILL COOKING! The programmer's smug "It's called code" at the end is sending me to the MOON! This is the software development equivalent of reinventing the wheel and calling it a "circular motion enablement device." I cannot with these people! 😂

Ah, the classic engineering manager to PM transformation. One day you're writing code and solving technical problems, the next you're wearing a ridiculous duck costume asking "can we just add one more feature before launch?" and "what if we pivot to blockchain?" The awkward smile says it all—they know they look absurd but they're committed to the bit. Just like how every engineer who temporarily takes on PM duties inevitably starts speaking in buzzwords and drawing product roadmaps on napkins. The costume change is just making the internal transformation external.

The eternal cycle of software development. Junior dev hands over a note begging for code review before production deployment. Senior dev crumples it without a second thought and tosses it away. Nothing says "I believe in you" quite like throwing someone directly into the fire. The production server makes an excellent teacher - cruel, but effective. That burning sensation? It's just your career growing.

The corporate hierarchy of bug fixing, illustrated as a chess game where nobody actually knows what's happening. The intern is confidently saying "Yes" (they fixed the bugs), the team leader is asking "What code?" (they don't even know what codebase needs fixing), and the senior developer who originally asked the question is responding with a flat "No" (because they know better than to believe anyone). It's the perfect representation of software development chaos where the person with the least experience is the most confident, and the person with the most experience has completely given up on expecting competence. The circle of technical debt is complete!

The eternal dance of deployment bravado! Two hands gripping a sword with "YES!" emblazoned on the blade when the product manager asks if we're ready for deployment. But look closer at the second panel - those same hands are whispering the truth: "YES! But it'll Definitely Crash." It's that special confidence only developers have - absolute certainty that something will work perfectly until the moment it touches production. Sure, it passed all three test cases we bothered to write! What could possibly go wrong? Just another Friday deploy before a weekend of emergency hotfixes. Ship it!

Who needs proper branching strategies when you can just dump everything into one glorious commit? The top shows a complex git branch workflow with multiple feature branches merging together - you know, what they teach in those fancy "best practices" courses. Meanwhile, the bottom shows what we actually do: one straight line of commits because who has time for that organized nonsense? Nothing says "I'll fix it in production" quite like bypassing code reviews and merging directly to main. Git blame? More like git shame.