When You Are Your Own Worst Critic And Worst Developer

Content Me a new programmer who not getting any of the jokes in this sub like your funny words magic man

Content SCALABILITY OUR APP DOESN'T SCALE, THE SERVER CRASHES CONSTANTLY. WHAT CAN WE DO? TWITTER.COM VINCENTONL WE COULD PROFILE THE CODEBASE AND SEE WHERE PERFORMANCE ISSUES ARE... WE COULD JUST TELL ACCOUNTING THAT WE NEED THREE NEW SERVERS AND CALL IT A DAY! YEAH!

Ah yes, the classic "$800,000 bootcamp" that promises to transform you into a software engineer in just 3 months by teaching you *checks notes* approximately 87 programming languages, including some that barely exist anymore. Nothing says "legitimate education" like cramming Fortran, COBOL, and Assembly alongside React and TypeScript into 90 days. The "if you can't find a job you can spit on our faces" guarantee is the cherry on top of this scam sundae. Spoiler alert: The only thing you'll master in 3 months is how to lose $800K faster than a startup with free snacks and ping pong tables.

The three horsemen of developer apocalypse, beautifully color-coded for your impending doom: Chaos: Visualizing your node_modules folder structure is like staring into the abyss. That dependency tree isn't a tree—it's an entire enchanted forest where packages go to multiply like rabbits. Destruction: The infamous rm -rf / command—the digital equivalent of "let's see what happens if I cut this red wire." One misplaced space and suddenly your machine thinks you want a factory reset... of your entire life. War: Force pushing to Git is basically declaring nuclear warfare on your colleagues. Nothing says "I'm the captain now" like obliterating everyone else's commits because merge conflicts are just too much effort.

Content whilttrue for(:

Ghost? Fine. Zombie? Whatever. Nuclear war? Slightly concerning. But regex? PURE TERROR . That incomprehensible string of brackets, slashes, and special characters is the true horror story of programming. You start with a simple pattern match and end up summoning an eldritch abomination that somehow passes all your tests but fails spectacularly in production. The character falling off their chair and literally dying is the most accurate representation of regex debugging I've ever seen. The tombstone is for your sanity, not your body.