Programmers Be Like I Googled It So Now I'm An Expert

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Remember when we used to fight about whether Scrum was a cult or microservices were just distributed monoliths with extra steps? Good times. Now we've evolved to measuring developer productivity with metrics that are somehow even more useless than story points. First they wanted to know how fast we ship features. Then someone got the brilliant idea to measure lines of code like we're paid by the character. Both metrics are equally terrible—one encourages shipping garbage fast, the other encourages verbose garbage. And the punchline? Management's already brainstorming the next metric: production incidents per sprint, probably. The real kicker is that none of these metrics capture what actually matters: solving problems, writing maintainable code, and not making your teammates want to quit. But hey, at least they're easy to put in a spreadsheet.

Content when your colleague asks if you're going to go back and properly document your code No, I don't think will