Day 7 At My New Dev Job

Content Error You can't defeat me. Programmer O know, but he can

Content GHOST ZOMBIE NUCLEAR WAR ((a-zA - ZI-o-g I.)a-zA - (2,)) Not terrible Not terrible a little scary

Content Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (I) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those

Content Coding chair Debugging chair TastefulTees

Content IWORK A 9-5 JOB 9AM TO 5PM RIGHT? 9AM TO 5PM RIGHT?

The ultimate tech resume flex: listing every framework, library, and tool you've ever glanced at for 0.5 seconds. That massive word salad of technologies—from Python to TensorFlow to "purrr"—is peak developer peacocking. The punchline is genius though. Asking recruiters to identify which ones are Pokémon is the perfect trap since several of these actually sound like Pokémon names (looking at you, "sparklyR" and "vulpix"—and yes, Vulpix is actually a fire-type Pokémon). It's the perfect litmus test for technical recruiters who claim to understand what you do but can't tell a data visualization library from something that shoots thunderbolts.