Breaking Prod: The Chemistry Of Failed Deployments

Content MATLAB TERRIBLE IDE "WORKSPACE" FOR GLOBALS POOR LINUX SUPPORT 1-BASED INDEXING END-INCLUSIVE RANGES CELL ARRAYS SEMICOLONS DO NOT END LINES CANNOT INDEX THE RESULT OF A FUNCTION NO RETURN STATEMENTS IDENTICAL INDEXING AND FUNCTION SYNTAX

The daily life of a developer in an "agile" environment that's about as agile as a concrete truck. 100 standups, 100 sprint plannings, 100 backlog refinements, and a 10-hour retro... EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! The One Punch Man parody perfectly captures that moment when your manager thinks all these meetings somehow make you more productive. Meanwhile, your actual coding time has been reduced to those precious 7 minutes between your 2:53 PM and 3:00 PM meetings. Who needs to write code when you can talk about writing code instead?

Content PEOPLE ON THE STREET: AUTOMATION IS TAKING ALL OUR JOBS. WE MUST STOP IT! PEOPLE AT MY WORK: CAN YOU PLEASE AUTOMATE MY JOB?

Content LOUDER, CROWD LOUDER CROWDER GitHub is Facebook for Programmers CHANGE MY MIND

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute DIABOLICAL GENIUS of this strategy! 🧠💥 Who needs Stack Overflow when you can manipulate the entire developer community's superiority complex?! Post a question from one account, then swoop in with another account and answer it COMPLETELY WRONG. Watch in unholy glee as an army of keyboard warriors TRIPS OVER THEMSELVES to correct you! It's like summoning demons except the incantation is "I think JavaScript is a compiled language" and suddenly you've got 47 people writing dissertations on interpreters. PURE. EVIL. BRILLIANCE.

The family tree of code maintenance! Someone's friend learned COBOL (that ancient language from the 60s still powering banks and government systems) only to inherit a codebase last touched by his actual mother in the 90s. Talk about biological inheritance vs programming inheritance! While OOP enthusiasts would expect to extend a parent class with new methods, this poor soul got literal parental legacy code instead. The real inheritance tax is maintaining your mom's spaghetti code from the Reagan era. Bet those family dinners get awkward when he asks about the lack of documentation.