Am I Still Alive?

Ah, the classic "no excuses" motivational poster with a twist. Sure, if some morally bankrupt CEO can juggle multiple catastrophes of his own making AND still find time for Coldplay, you can definitely learn PHP. Though frankly, both choices are questionable life decisions. At least PHP doesn't require alimony payments.

The eternal PHP framework migration that never happens. Two devs locked in an epic Laravel vs Symphony ping-pong match while new hires gradually realize they've joined a company stuck in framework purgatory. The best part? They're still using this "we're about to migrate" line as a recruiting tactic. It's like telling someone you're "about to start that diet" for 7 years straight. The codebase is probably held together with duct tape, prayers, and deprecated functions at this point.

Content P..PP.. Do you want to say Python? Come on! Say Python! PHP! (70

Content when you're reminded you wrote the world's biggest social network in PHP

Content 1995: PHP is dead, learn ColdFusion 2002: PHP is dead, learn ASP.net 2003: PHP is dead, learn Django 2004: PHP is dead, learn Ruby on Rails 2010: PHP is dead, learn Flask 2011: PHP is dead, learn AngularIS 2016: PHP is dead, learn Next.j 2022: PHP is dead, learn Python 2023: HOW THE HELL IS THIS DUDE STILL ALIVE

Content Python: What if everything was a dict? Java: What if everything was an object? JavaScript: What if everything was a dict and an object? C: What if everything was a pointer? APL: What if everything was an array? Tel: What if everything was a string? Prolog: What if everything was a term? LISP: What if everything was a pair? Scheme: What if everything was a function? Haskell: What if everything was a monad? Assembly: What if everything was a register? Cog: What if everything was a typeproposition? COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE? C: What if everything was like Java, but different? Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched? Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END C: What if we added everything to the language? C11: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff? Rust: What if garbage collection didn't exist? Go: What if we tried designing C a second time? Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language? Peri6: What if we took the joke too far? PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier? VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program? VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again? Forth: What if everything was a stack? ColorForth: What if the stack was green? PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi? XSLT: What if everything was an XML element? Make: What if everything was a dependency? m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted? Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM? Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM? Lua: What if game developers got tired of C? Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything? Malbolge: What if there is no god? nixcraft