Language design Memes

Every language designer ever: "We're going to revolutionize error handling by NOT using try-catch!" Then you peek under the hood and it's literally just try-catch wearing a fake mustache made of if statements. Result types in Rust? Try-catch with extra steps. Go's error returns? Try-catch but you manually carry the error like it's 1972. Swift's guard statements? Spicy try-catch. It's like watching someone insist they invented a "revolutionary new transportation method" and then showing you a bicycle with square wheels. Sure, it's technically different, but was it worth the effort? The industry has spent decades trying to make error handling look cool and different, but at the end of the day we're all just catching errors and pretending our syntax is superior.

Someone just pitched the D programming language's business plan to investors and it's basically "copy Rust's homework but make it look different." Zero corporate backing, zero adoption, and seven core maintainers rage-quitting after what I can only assume was a heated debate about semicolons. The left side is pure comedy gold—"groundbreaking" metaprogramming that nobody asked for, promises of async features that'll arrive sometime after the heat death of the universe, and the classic "give me foreach or I retire" ultimatum. Patrick Henry would be proud. The right side? Chef's kiss. Their master plan is to market themselves as "Rust for people who don't like Rust" while simultaneously dickriding every trendy feature (genAI slop, const by default) without actually committing to any of them. It's like watching someone try to be edgy and mainstream at the same time. Bold strategy, Cotton. Fun fact: D has been around since 2001 and still hasn't figured out if it wants to be C++, Rust, or its own thing. That's 20+ years of potential energy with zero kinetic results.