Database Relations Before Human Relations

Content Jeff Erickson CS professor, University of Illinois Urbana- Champaign Updated Apr 5 Is computer science a long-running myth? Yes, absolutely. Neither I nor any of my thousands of colleagues, nor any of the millions of our current and former students, nor any of the intellectual tools that underlie computing, which in turn underlies almost all of modern economics and society, actually exist. It's all a myth. In actual fact, we all still live in caves. You're not really reading these words on a computer screen; it's just the flickering firelight, and you had a few too many of those pretty looking mushrooms. Don't worry; it'll pass soon.

Content When you copy a snippet from StackOverflow and it doesn't work Those bastards lied to me

Billionaire discovers basic database concepts, immediately becomes expert. Classic tech CEO move! Someone should tell him government systems are probably running on COBOL from the 70s with punch cards as backup. The irony of a rocket scientist who doesn't grasp primary keys is just *chef's kiss*. Next week: Elon discovers that computers use electricity and declares it a conspiracy.

Ah yes, the mythical "full stack developer" – simultaneously playing the database cello, the frontend trumpet, the backend violin, and the DevOps drums while somehow keeping everything in perfect harmony. Just like Tom trying to do the impossible, you're expected to be a virtuoso at 17 different instruments while management wonders why you can't also conduct the orchestra and sell tickets at the door. This isn't development, it's a one-cat circus where your resume needs to list "juggling while on fire" as a required skill.

Behold, the pinnacle of security theater! First, let's expose our database directly through an API endpoint because REST is "too complex." Then, let's sprinkle in some AI validation using GPT to check if SQL queries are safe—because regular expressions and parameterized queries are just so last decade . Nothing says "I'm a 10x developer" quite like importing five different packages, exposing your database credentials in plaintext, and asking an AI if DROP TABLE users; seems fishy. The cherry on top? That 403 error when the AI says no—as if hackers will politely accept rejection and go home. SQL injection protection via AI prompt? Congratulations, you've invented a security vulnerability with a carbon footprint!

Content WORD COACH Learn new words Which word is similar to chaos? Developer Or Disorder SKIP