Offensive SQL: The Morning Data Massacre

Content WHEN ARE WE SHIPPING THAT NEW FEATURE? ( IT WILL BE NOW COME ON, RELEASED AS WE CAN'T KEEP PLANNED. DELAYING... PM WAIT... WHAT? PROJECTIS ON TRACK. NO DELAY? THAT'S THE SWEETEST THING ANYONE HAS SAID TO ME IN A LONG TIME. NO DELAY. 1 ship a new comic every week. Follow me on social media. search for "work chronicles" on Insta, FB, Twitter or Linkedln. workchronicles.com

Content recursion needs an exit case recursion needs an exit case recursion needs an exit case

Content DOMException: The operation is insecure.

Finally, a visual representation that my brain can process! Zero is an empty toilet paper roll that still exists and serves as a placeholder. Meanwhile, NULL is when the entire roll is missing—it's not just empty, it's gone , non-existent, undefined. The cardboard tube has left the building. This is exactly what keeps junior devs up at night. Zero is a legitimate value saying "there's nothing here, but I'm counting it." NULL screams "I refuse to acknowledge this variable's existence." And both will break your code in spectacularly different ways when you least expect it.

Behold! The most accurate depiction of development reality ever drawn by human hands! On the left, your code change workflow - majestic, detailed, robust like a thoroughbred horse ready for battle. And then there's your database change workflow - a pathetic stick figure abomination that looks like it was drawn by a caffeinated toddler with a crayon. We spend YEARS perfecting our code deployment pipelines with tests, CI/CD, and version control while our database migrations are basically "run this SQL and pray to the data gods it doesn't destroy production." The AUDACITY of us calling ourselves professionals while treating our precious data like this! 💀

Content 3 rules: -no wishing for death -no falling in love -no bring back dead people There are 4 rules I want to use Excel as a database ingflip.com