Bloat Memes

Posts tagged with Bloat

Too Much Bloat

Too Much Bloat
Ah, the eternal battle of text editors vs. modern web frameworks. Our dapper gentleman here is rejecting the bloated monstrosity that is modern JavaScript frameworks (looking at you, Vue.js) in favor of the humble 'ed' text editor - possibly the most minimalist text editor in existence. For the uninitiated, 'ed' is a line-oriented text editor from the 1970s that makes vim look like a luxury cruise ship. It's basically what you'd use if you wanted your coding experience to be as painful as possible, but hey, at least it won't eat 500MB of RAM just to change a string. The hardest of the hardcore Unix veterans still swear by it, right before they start ranting about kids these days with their fancy syntax highlighting and autocompletion.

Node Big Modules

Node Big Modules
SWEET MOTHER OF DISK SPACE! Node modules are not just big—they're the black hole of your hard drive! One tiny project and suddenly you've got 500MB of dependencies because apparently you need 47 packages just to check if a string is empty! 💀 Your poor SSD is literally SCREAMING as node_modules consumes more space than your entire operating system. Meanwhile, you're sitting there wondering if you really needed that left-pad package or if you could have just written those 3 lines of code yourself. But who has time for that when you've got deadlines?!

Bless You Node Modules

Bless You Node Modules
The eternal JavaScript developer dilemma: "Need to turn a screw? Just import a screwdriver library!" *2 seconds later* "Great, now my project depends on 17,482 packages including three different implementations of left-pad, a Bitcoin miner, and something suspiciously called 'definitely-not-keylogger'." The node_modules folder - where simple tasks require importing the entire supply chain of the global hardware industry, complete with factories you didn't know existed and dependencies that will break in mysterious ways during your demo.

The Tech Purity Clown Pipeline

The Tech Purity Clown Pipeline
Oh. My. God. The DESCENT into tech purity madness has never been so PERFECTLY captured! 💅 First, you're just an innocent Windows user. Then SUDDENLY you're putting on foundation and diving into Ubuntu because "Windows is bloat" (how dare it have a GUI that works, right?!). But honey, that's just the GATEWAY drug! Before you know it, you're applying full clown makeup and screaming about how even UBUNTU is too mainstream as you frantically install Arch like it's some kind of personality trait! The FINAL transformation? Full rainbow wig, declaring that EVERYTHING is garbage except your precious Rust, which you'll use to rewrite the calculator app that worked perfectly fine before you spent 6 months "optimizing" it. 🤡 The tech elitism to clown pipeline is REAL, people!

Node Modules: The Black Hole Of Your Hard Drive

Node Modules: The Black Hole Of Your Hard Drive
Ah, the classic "dedicate an entire hard drive to node_modules" approach. When your dependencies need more space than your operating system, university education, and actual web development code combined. That 402GB drive labeled "node_modules" isn't even a joke anymore—it's just documentation of the JavaScript ecosystem's storage requirements. At this point, NASA could've sent npm install to Mars and back with less data than what's sitting in that folder.

Npm Install: Summoning The Dependency Demon

Npm Install: Summoning The Dependency Demon
OMG, running npm install is like summoning the DEMON LORD OF DEPENDENCIES from the porcelain throne! 🚽👹 One second you're innocently trying to install a tiny package, and the next your toilet is LITERALLY ERUPTING with hellfire and 37,582 packages you never asked for! And there you are, cowering in the corner, questioning your life choices while your node_modules folder grows large enough to achieve sentience and apply for its own zip code! THE HORROR!

Github In 2035

Github In 2035
The year is 2035. Your GitHub page now takes 15 minutes to load because it's scanning your code with 47 different AI tools, showing ads for Microsoft products, and suggesting you upgrade to Copilot Premium Plus Pro Max. Meanwhile, your diff is still "loading in 2 seconds" like it has been for the past decade. Progress! The real kicker? You'll still need to explain to the AI assistant why your perfectly valid code isn't actually a security vulnerability for the 500th time this week. But hey, at least now it can suggest you build a Pong game while you wait!

Your Typical Node Project

Your Typical Node Project
The stark reality of modern JavaScript development in one perfect image. Left side: your node_modules folder - a literal encyclopedia of dependencies that could crush a small desk. Right side: your actual source code - so tiny you could lose it between your fingers. The 500MB of libraries you imported just to center a div versus the 12 lines of code you actually wrote. This is why your Docker builds take longer than compiling the Linux kernel.

First Time Using Electron

First Time Using Electron
Expectation: "Lightweight and performant, just the way I like it." *smiles in Mr. Incredible* Reality: *horrified face* as your "simple" app balloons from 25MB to a monstrous 739MB. Nothing says "modern web development" quite like shipping an entire Chrome browser with your calculator app. Your 2GB RAM laptop is sweating nervously in the corner while you explain to users that your "lightweight" app just needs a quick 800MB download. But hey, at least it's cross-platform!

Node Modules: The Backpack That Ate Your Hard Drive

Node Modules: The Backpack That Ate Your Hard Drive
Writing a tiny 50KB app in Node.js that somehow requires hauling around 12GB of node_modules is the modern equivalent of bringing a nuclear warhead to a knife fight. Nothing says "efficient development" like needing an extra hard drive just to store your dependencies. And yet we all just accept this madness like it's completely normal. "Yeah, I'm just importing this tiny utility that needs 237 other packages to calculate if a number is odd."

Npm I: The Great Dependency Flood

Npm I: The Great Dependency Flood
Nothing quite like the sweet satisfaction of dumping 500MB of dependencies into your tiny side project. Run a simple npm install and suddenly your 10-line script needs the entire JavaScript ecosystem to function. That 5KB utility? It's bringing along its extended family, third cousins, and everyone they've ever met. But hey, at least you didn't have to write your own string reversal function, right? The node_modules black hole: where disk space goes to die and package-lock.json grows longer than your actual codebase.

The Node Modules Backpacking Adventure

The Node Modules Backpacking Adventure
OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of Node.js! Your tiny 300kb app that probably just displays "Hello World" is forced to drag around a 12GB monstrosity of node_modules like some sort of digital pack mule! 💀 It's the modern developer's nightmare - creating something sleek and elegant only to have it CRUSHED under the weight of seventeen thousand dependencies you didn't even know you needed! Your poor little app is literally GASPING for air under all those packages that do things you could probably write yourself in 10 lines of code!