Npm I: The Great Dependency Flood

Content Software Developer (JuniorMidSenior) Are you in ? Yes ONo Have you completed the following level of education: Bachelor's? Yes No Do you speak Javascript? Yes No Continue Back

Content BUT ThE PRINCESS! HOW TO SAVE THE PRINCESS BY O toggl USING 8 PROGRAMMING Goon SquAD LANGUAGES YOU HAVE JAVASCRIPT YoU SPEnD HOUrS PICKING LIBRARIES SETTING UP NODE BUILDING A FRAME WORK FOR THE CASTLE. BY THE TIME YoUrE FINIShED WITH THE FRAMEWORK THE FORT HAS BEEN ABANDONED AND THE PRINCESS HAS MOVED TO ANOTHER CASTLE YOU HAVE YOU HAVE A LIBRARY FOR A CASTLE A LIBRARY FOR THE PRINCESS - CHARGE! YOU RESCUE THE PRINCESS HER DOG, HER ENTIRE WARDROBE EVERYTHING SHE HAS EVER EATEN... FUCK - DID FORGET NULL -TERMINATOR YOU HAVE C YOU SPEND HOURS TRYING TO EXPRESS THE ENTIRE RESCUE IN A SINGLE LINQ QUERY YOU GIVE UP AND GO TO STACKOVERFLOW TO HAVE JON SKEET RESCUE THE PRINCESS FOR YOU. YoU HAVE JAVA YoU QUICKLY DEPLOY THE RESCUE TO PRODUCTION YOU DISCOVER YOU'vE LOADED TWO VERSIONS OF THE CASTLE BUT NO PRINCESS YoU HAVE LISP YoU HaVE Go WE DON'T SUPPORT FREEING CAPTURED PRINCESSES, WE ALREADY HAVE THESE FREE PRINCESSES IN THE STANDARD LIBR... ... WAIT, IS THIS THE PRINCESS FROM THE JAVA PANEL YOU HAVE PASCAL YOU DECLARE YOUR PRINCESS CASTLE RESCUE PLAN THEN YOU GO FOR A DRINK FORGET ABOUT THE IMPLEMENTATION YoU HAVE PuP YOU HaVE TO reScUE THE PRiNCESS... IN PHP.. MART VIRKUS '6 toggl

Oh. My. GOD. The absolute TRAUMA of learning TypeScript after JavaScript is like having your brain wiped by that Men in Black neuralyzer! One minute you're happily writing code without caring what type anything is, living your best chaotic JavaScript life, and then BOOM! TypeScript comes along demanding to know the EXACT TYPE of every. single. variable. you've ever created! Suddenly you're drowning in interfaces, generics, and union types while your precious JavaScript knowledge evaporates into the void. It's like TypeScript looked at your JavaScript skills and said "That's cute, now forget EVERYTHING you know about being flexible with data types!" 💀

Spent $89 on that ultra-silent ergonomic mouse only for JavaScript to expose your every click like an overeager surveillance system. The addEventListener('click') doesn't care about your "silent" hardware—it's catching those clicks regardless of how much you paid for that fancy no-sound mouse. The DOM sees all, hears all. Your attempts at stealth clicking during midnight coding sessions? Completely irrelevant to the event propagation system that powers the web.

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of schools asking students to compete in creating their website only to STEAL THE WINNER'S WORK! 🙄 It's the corporate equivalent of saying "Hey kids, design my logo for free, and I'll give the winner a shoutout on Instagram!" Except the prize is... absolutely nothing but the privilege of having your work exploited! Congratulations, you've just experienced your first taste of the tech industry's favorite pastime: getting professional work done for the bargain price of a gold star and a pat on the head! 💀

It's the classic RPG character selection screen, but for the coding world's various tribes! Top-left: The "Corporate Legacy" build. Internet Explorer, Windows Server 2003, and .NET. Your special ability is maintaining ancient systems nobody else wants to touch while drinking coffee from a mug that says "I fixed it." Top-right: The "Digital Freedom Fighter" class. Linux, Tor, Monero, and a mandatory Richard Stallman shrine. You refuse to use proprietary software and have a 4-hour speech prepared on why everyone should compile their own kernel. Bottom-left: The "Silicon Valley Hipster" build. HTML5, JavaScript, and a MacBook purchased with your startup's seed money. Special abilities include drinking $8 artisanal coffee while explaining why your framework is better than the one released last week. Bottom-right: The "Hardcore Basement Dweller" spec. Arch Linux, energy drinks, and 4chan's technology board as your homepage. You started coding at 12 and now make 300 commits daily, mostly to projects nobody understands but everyone secretly fears. Choose wisely. Your IDE preferences and caffeine dependency depend on it.