Best practices Memes

Posts tagged with Best practices

Guilty Of This: The Silent Treatment

Guilty Of This: The Silent Treatment
OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of this diagram! It's literally showing a conference call speaker with mute buttons, but it's EXACTLY how we document our code! Turn everything on mute and then hang up when someone asks a question! 💀 We write the BARE MINIMUM comments, silence any explanations, and then completely DISAPPEAR when future developers need help understanding our cryptic masterpiece. And the worst part? We're all nodding in shameful recognition because we've done this exact thing!

The First Commandment Of IT

The First Commandment Of IT
Homer Simpson ripping out a "Free IT Advice" sign to reveal the sacred commandment of tech: "IF IT WORKS, DON'T TOUCH IT." This isn't just advice—it's the unspoken religion of every production environment. That mystical code that ran fine for 7 years? Written by a dev who left the company in 2015? Deployed on a server no one remembers the password to? Yeah, nobody's volunteering to "refactor" that bad boy. We just light candles and pray it continues working until retirement.

If It Works, Don't Touch It

If It Works, Don't Touch It
The only programming advice worth taking is the one you'll find on that little strip of wisdom: "IF IT WORKS, DON'T TOUCH IT." Nothing strikes more fear into a developer's heart than having to modify code that's somehow functioning despite violating every principle of software engineering. That magical spaghetti mess held together by duct tape and prayers? Yeah, that's staying exactly as is. The moment you try to "improve" it or "refactor" it, you'll unleash chaos that'll have you explaining to your boss why the entire production system is suddenly speaking Klingon. The unwritten 11th commandment of programming: thou shalt not mess with working code.

Don't Get Burned

Don't Get Burned
The sacred commandment of software development! Homer grabbing that "IF IT WORKS, DON'T TOUCH IT" advice slip with the desperation of someone who's broken production at least five times this sprint. The allure of "FREE PROGRAMMING ADVICE" quickly transforms into the cold, hard reality that refactoring working code is like performing heart surgery on a marathon runner mid-race. The true wisdom in our field isn't writing clever algorithms—it's knowing when to back away from the keyboard and let sleeping code lie.

The Unpaid Intern's Farewell Gift

The Unpaid Intern's Farewell Gift
Ah, the classic parting gift from an unpaid intern - committing the API key directly to the .env file in their final act of corporate sabotage. Nothing says "thanks for the experience" like leaving a production credential in the version control history. Future security auditors will speak of this moment with reverence.

Code Analyzer Lore

Code Analyzer Lore
First frame: Raging at a linter suggestion to replace new String().getClass() with String.class because "nobody writes code like this." Second frame: Complete attitude reversal after hearing why the rule exists, suddenly claiming to have "seen such things 11 times, as a matter of fact." The duality of developers: loudly rejecting best practices until the moment they realize they've been writing garbage code their entire career. Then suddenly they were the code quality champion all along! The mental gymnastics deserve an Olympic gold medal.

Is Anybody Using This Private Key

Is Anybody Using This Private Key
Ah, posting your private key on the internet. The digital equivalent of leaving your house keys under the doormat... except the doormat is in Times Square with a neon sign pointing to it. For the uninitiated, this is showing an OpenSSL-generated RSA private key - the secret half of public-key cryptography that should NEVER be shared. It's basically the master key to your digital kingdom. Posting it online is security suicide. Ten years of hardening your infrastructure just to casually drop your private key in a screenshot. Classic.

The Cryptic Variable Crusader

The Cryptic Variable Crusader
The eternal battle between readable code and cryptic shortcuts! That one dev who insists on using x , tmp , and mgr instead of userAccountBalance , temporaryStorage , or connectionManager . Future maintainers will spend hours deciphering what bm.prc() does while the original author smugly thinks they're being efficient by saving 17 keystrokes. Bonus points if they also comment with "obvious function, no explanation needed." Clean code isn't just nice—it's practically a moral obligation. Your colleagues aren't mind readers, and neither is your future self at 2am during a production outage!

Senior Engineers Be Like

Senior Engineers Be Like
Ask a senior engineer any technical question and watch the conditional answers flow like wine at a tech conference afterparty. "Should we use microservices?" It depends. "Is Redux overkill?" This depends. "Should we refactor now?" That depends. "What's the best programming language?" EVERYTHING DEPENDS. The universal truth of software engineering isn't some elegant algorithm or design pattern—it's the cosmic awareness that context is king and absolutes are for junior devs who haven't been burned enough yet.

The Chaotic Energy Of Test-Allergic Developers

The Chaotic Energy Of Test-Allergic Developers
OMG, the absolute CHAOS of development teams in their natural habitat! 💀 First we have someone proudly announcing "the energy I bring to the team" followed by their comment "i'm merging it. f*ck the tests" - the battle cry of every developer with a deadline breathing down their neck! Then the cherry on top: "writing testcases for your code is doubting your own coding abilities. it's a sign of weakness." EXCUSE ME?! That's like saying using a parachute when skydiving shows a lack of confidence in gravity! The sheer AUDACITY of these developers thinking their code is immaculate conception that needs no verification! Future bugs are literally SCREAMING in excitement waiting to be deployed to production!

The Missing 'S' Of Security

The Missing 'S' Of Security
GASP! The absolute HORROR of using plain HTTP instead of HTTPS! Nothing says "I'm basically sending my data in a postcard through a sketchy neighborhood" like forgetting that precious little 'S'! That URL starting with just "http://" is practically BEGGING to have its packets intercepted by every digital creep between you and the server. It's like showing up to a security conference wearing a t-shirt with your password printed on it! 💀

Please Don't Make Me Write Unit Tests

Please Don't Make Me Write Unit Tests
The classic vampire/Superman weakness meme but with a coding twist! Vampires cower from sunlight, Superman recoils from kryptonite, and developers? They'll do ANYTHING to avoid writing unit tests. The sheer panic on that developer's face speaks volumes about the universal dread of having to verify your own code actually works as intended. Why spend 20 minutes writing tests when you could spend 8 hours debugging in production instead? Pure engineering efficiency!