No Salt, Just Pure Security Theater

Every sysadmin's window decoration of choice! The sign says "F*CK AD" which is the unfiltered emotion of anyone who's spent hours troubleshooting domain controller replication issues or trying to figure out why Group Policy isn't applying correctly. Nothing says "I've reached my breaking point" quite like advertising your hatred for Microsoft's directory service on your actual window. The irony is that the person probably had to authenticate to Active Directory just to print that sign. Recursive frustration at its finest!

Ah, the classic "password already in use" error that somehow manages to be both a security feature and a privacy nightmare simultaneously. Nothing says "secure system" like telling you exactly who has the same terrible password. Somewhere, a security engineer is having a stroke while starboy98 is frantically changing all his accounts because he used "password123" everywhere. This is why we can't have nice things in cybersecurity.

That's not a white dot, that's Cursor AI sharing your plaintext password file with every hacker on the planet. Nothing says "security professional" like storing credentials in a CSV file named "passwords.csv" and then asking about UI elements while exposing it. Somewhere, a security engineer just felt a disturbance in the force and doesn't know why.

The dad joke that makes security professionals cry themselves to sleep. When someone asks where the IT guy went and responds with "He probably ran some ware " (ransomware), they've committed a pun so criminally bad it should be encrypted and held for ransom itself. Just like actual ransomware, this joke encrypts all joy in the room until someone pays the price of a courtesy laugh. Security teams everywhere are now implementing pun-detection software.

Left side: Regular person confidently declaring they feel "totally safe using Tesla Autopilot." Right side: Programmers who actually wrote the code having an existential crisis because they know exactly what lurks in those if-else statements. Nothing makes you question mortality like knowing the corner cases your code doesn't handle. The same programmers who put "// TODO: Fix this later" in production code are now responsible for keeping your car between the lines.

The tech industry's relationship with the word "open" is like that ex who said they wanted an "open relationship" but actually meant "I want to see other people while you stay committed." On the left, we've got "Open" VPNs with fine print that would make a lawyer blush: "free" (after you pay), "unlimited" (for exactly two people), and source code you can view from such a distance you'll need the James Webb telescope. And then there's "Open" AI on the right—about as open as Fort Knox during a security drill. "Open research" (coming never), "open models" (just trust us, bro), and an "open culture" where sharing is strictly forbidden. After 15 years in tech, I've learned that "open" is corporate-speak for "we'll keep it open until we've captured enough market share to slam the door shut." Classic bait-and-switch, now with 100% more paywalls!