When Node.js Gets Undressed

Content PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS ALMOST NO STANDARD LIBRARY SOLUTION: THOUSANDS OF COMMUNITY -SUPPORTED LIBRARIES OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS NO PACKAGING OR A LINKER TO TIE THESE PACKAGES TOGETHER PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT WON'T RUN OUTSIDE THE BROWSER SOLUTION: V8 PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS SINGLE -THREAD BY DESIGN SOLUTION: ASYNCHRONOUS PROGRAMMING, NODE. JS PROBLEM: CALLBACK HELL PROBLEM: PROTOTYPAL INHERITANCE IS PANTS -ON- HEAD STUPID THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. PROBLEM: WEB RESOURCES NEED TO BE MINIFIED AND ZIPPED FOR PERFORMANCE PROBLEM: THE DOM IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: CANVAS PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: USE AN ASSEMBLY- LIKE SUBSET OF JAVASCRIPT CALLED ASM.JS PROBLEM: ASM.JS IS BASICALLY UNWRITABLE 4 HUMANS. SOLUTION: COMPILE A BETTER LANGUAGE TO JAVASCRIPT (C, EMASCRIPT 2016, COFFEESCRIPT, JSX) SOLUTION: HUNDREDS OF COMMUNITY SUPPORTED BUILD TOOLS OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: GRUNT. SOLUTION: GULP PROBLEM: GULP PROBLEM: MACHINE GENERATED OUTPUT IS MORE DIFFICULT TO DEBUG PROBLEM: ASYNC IS STILL A NIGHTMARE, HUH? PROBLEM: BALLOONING PROJECT SIZE AND COMPLEXITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT STILL DOESN'T DO EVERYTHING PROBLEM: OUTPUT RUNS VERY SLOWLY ON MOBILE DEVICES SOLUTION: ELECTRON, PHONEGAP, FIREFOXOS HOW IS DIGGING GOING TO GET US OUT OF THIS HOLE? WHERE I AM FROM, THE POINT OF DIGGING IS NOT FREEDOM FROM DIGGING

Content Everything can be a child Function as a child Manipulating children Looping over children Counting children Converting children to an array. Enforcing a single child

Frontend developers sprinting toward the newest framework like Tom with a comically oversized mallet! The eternal cycle continues - you've barely mastered React when suddenly Vue looks interesting, then Next.js catches your eye, and now Svelte is the hot new thing. Meanwhile, your half-finished projects and deprecated skills pile up faster than npm dependencies. The JavaScript ecosystem doesn't have versioning—it has reincarnation.

Content Coding languages are used by comp want them to do. People communicate C or Java, just as they communica Japanese. JavaScript and Python are languages. JavaScript JavaScript (or Java) is a multi-pl language with a lot of capabilities. It's sional and commercial applications, inc as the Android operating system. Mark entirely in Java. Gmail was built in Jav mance rate and a solid web architecture Python 'her programming langu ch new library intro a8 from wet

Content Web developers Javascript is the best for web dev Nooo python is the best ML Devs Fuck matlab Fuck matlab

The prison hierarchy just got disrupted by a frontend developer. While one inmate brags about murder, our CSS criminal quietly admits to writing <div class="right">Fat unibrow guy</div> – a crime so horrific it sends the murderer cowering in the corner. When you use meaningless class names and non-semantic HTML, you're not just hurting yourself... you're terrorizing every developer who inherits your code. The real prison was the codebase all along.