No Such Thing As An Intuitive Programming Language

Content christina zhu cszhu STOP making fun of different programming languages C is FAST Java is POPULAR Ruby is COOL Python is BEAUTIFUL Javascript Haskell is INTRIGUING 9:25 AM Sep 6, 2019 Twitter Web App 4.8K Retweets 19.4K Likes

Content rAskReddit LS-Eleni 12h After you die, you get access to a database with all the information ever known or collected throughout human history. What do you search for first? Discussion 4.5k 2.0k Share BEST COMMENTS NicNoletree 11h 1 Award Find out what database software they use, how much data they have, and begin looking at the table structure and relationships. Reply 1.4k jeremy1015 6h Plot twist: It's Mongo and the entirety of human history is stored in a single JSON object. The top level is a kev called "events" and the value is an unsorted arrav. 217 Junior SeniorTrainee 3h Turns out god is a really nervous DB admin waiting for the inevitable. All the Apocalypse stuff in the Bible was actually just a misunderstanding of him saving "Guvs vou don't get it, I literally built this shit in seven days when I probably should've spent vears on it. But management was pressuring me to deliver in seven davs so I had to hack together this garbage and it will definitely break anv minute now. 4 159 Aran. 2h Mistranslation in the Bible. On the 7th day he tested.

Cooking: predictable, reliable, unchanged for centuries. Software development: a nightmare circus where your tools break faster than you can use them. Nothing quite like spending 3 hours setting up your environment only to discover your dependency manager no longer supports the library you need. Or that beautiful moment when npm decides your perfectly working package is now "deprecated" and suggests using something completely different that requires rewriting half your codebase. This is why senior devs hoard working configurations like dragons with gold. "Touch my Docker setup and I'll end you."

Content Storing JSON in a SQL Database

Content JSON Statham

Content Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxX: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxX: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxX: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those