The JavaScript World Domination Tour

The existential crisis every developer faces at 2 AM while debugging. We name something a "variable" and then immediately declare it as "const" or "final" or "readonly" - essentially telling it not to vary. The cognitive dissonance is real! It's like naming your pet rock "Runner" or your cactus "Cuddles." No wonder our code gets confused and throws exceptions - we've been gaslighting our variables this whole time!

Content Therapist I hate myself Wow! I hate this more javascript

Oh. My. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of programming languages to call these functions "random" when they're about as random as my aunt Gertrude's weekly bingo schedule! 🙄 These so-called "random" functions are LITERALLY just deterministic algorithms in disguise, honey! Feed them the same seed, and they'll spit out the exact same sequence EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. The BETRAYAL! It's like ordering a "surprise" meal but getting the same chicken sandwich for the 57th time. JUST CALL THEM WHAT THEY ARE - pseudorandom! The Matrix kid knows what's up!

Content I NEED TO REWRITE I HAVE TO MY APP EVERY FEW YEARS REWRITE IT YEARLY JS YEARLY? WE DO IT WEEKLY YOU GUYS ARE REWRITING YOUR SOFTWARE?

The pedantic programmer strikes again! While normal people casually say "age is just a number," the developer in the room can't help but interrupt with their technically correct but socially oblivious correction. In most programming languages, age would indeed be stored as a string when input from a form before conversion—a fact absolutely nobody asked for or needed to know at that moment. It's the coding equivalent of responding "actually, it's spelled 'you're'" to someone pouring their heart out in a text message.

Content Introducing Shitify. A Reverse Linter. Add errors to your code. Shitify is a new tool that's shaking up the world of software development. It's a reverse linter, which means it adds errors to your code. It's simple to use. Just install it with pm: pm install -g shitify shitify myCode.js Now your code is full of errors! This might sound like a bad thing, but it's actually a great way to test your code. If your code can handle errors, then it's probably robust enough to handle anything. Additionally, Shitify can make you rich when coding smart contracts because - if the opposite of Biggie's maxim "Mo money mo problems" is true - more problems in your blockchain means more money. Disregard bitches, acquire currency! ProdrammerHumor.io