Git Blame Someone Else

Ah yes, the two types of developers in their natural habitat. One proudly declares "I'm merging it. fuck the tests" with the confidence of someone who's about to create tomorrow's emergency hotfix. Then there's the reply guy claiming "writing testcases for your code is doubting your own coding abilities. it's a sign of weakness." This is the software development equivalent of saying "helmets are for cowards" while riding a motorcycle blindfolded. Future you will be sending past you very strongly worded Slack messages at 2AM when production catches fire.

Ah, the age-old tabs vs. spaces holy war has claimed another victim! Nothing turns a mild-mannered developer into a raging lunatic faster than someone running an autoformatter that converts their carefully crafted tab indentation into spaces (or vice versa). It's like watching someone rearrange your kitchen while insisting they're "helping." Sure, the code might work exactly the same afterward, but now it feels wrong on a spiritual level. And let's be honest - you'd rather rewrite the entire project from scratch than adapt to someone else's indentation style. The true mark of a senior developer isn't their algorithm knowledge or architecture skills—it's the intensity with which they'll defend their whitespace preferences to the death.

The eternal battlefield of code reviews captured in one perfect image. Code reviewers (the kids) are desperately trying to protect themselves from the tiger (that obvious bug that will definitely crash production), while completely ignoring the rabbit (a harmless typo in a comment). Classic case of missing the forest for the trees—or in this case, missing the tiger for the bunny. The same reviewers who'll write a 12-paragraph essay about your variable naming conventions will somehow miss the null pointer exception that's about to nuke your entire AWS instance.

The duality of modern coding life. First panel: "OMG, GitHub Copilot is free in VS Code?!" *frantically puts on glasses to see clearly* Second panel: "Wait... my code is free for GitHub Copilot?" *realization sets in* Remember when we used to worry about other devs stealing our code? Now we're feeding the AI overlords our precious algorithms so they can regurgitate them to junior devs who'll get paid more than us. The circle of tech life, folks.

The pinnacle of version control laziness: just add * to your .gitignore and call it a day. Why carefully select which files to ignore when you can ignore everything and manually add each file you want? It's like burning down your house to avoid cleaning it, then rebuilding one room at a time. Genius time-saving strategy until you need to git add -f 500 files. Works every time, 0% of the time.

The classic programmer amnesia syndrome in full display! Nothing quite like the journey from "this code is garbage" to "oh wait, I wrote this masterpiece" in 0.5 seconds flat. That moment of horrified judgment—complaining about global variables and try-catch blocks spanning miles—only to realize you're critiquing your own digital fingerprints. The cognitive dissonance of immediately pivoting to "actually, the logic isn't that bad" is pure self-preservation at work. It's like finding an old diary entry and thinking "who wrote this nonsense?" before recognizing your own handwriting. The mental gymnastics we perform to protect our fragile programmer egos deserve an Olympic medal.