Welcome, Friends!

Remember when you could buy a graphics card without taking out a second mortgage? The "expectation" shows a humble GT440 from 9 years ago - probably cost you a reasonable $100 and could run Minecraft without setting your desk on fire. Fast forward to "reality" and we've got a monstrous GTX 1080Ti that costs more than some used cars and requires its own nuclear power plant. The best part? Both cards are equally impossible to find in stock. The crypto miners got the new ones, and your weird cousin who "builds gaming PCs" hoarded all the old ones.

The first rule of tech support: never fix a family member's computer. Once you touch it, you've signed an invisible lifetime warranty contract. Six months later, they'll call you at midnight because their printer isn't working, and somehow it's your fault because "you were the last one who touched it." That poor soul's face says it all—the exact moment he realized he's now the designated IT department for every future Christmas, birthday, and random Tuesday until the end of time.

Behold the true alpha of the workplace food chain. While the rest of us frantically respond to "Can you jump on a quick call?" messages at 4:59 PM, this majestic creature has achieved notification nirvana. The only ping this lion acknowledges is the sound of the refrigerator door opening at lunchtime. Meanwhile, your Teams status has been "Available" for so long, Microsoft is considering making you their mascot. True power isn't measured by salary or job title—it's measured by how confidently you can ignore that little red notification badge without experiencing heart palpitations.

The fourth horseman of the apocalypse: cleaning your PC and accidentally unplugging something critical. That moment when you're just trying to be responsible and remove some dust, only to create a non-booting monster. The panic that floods your entire brain is perfectly captured by that all-red headache diagram. Nothing quite matches the existential dread of pressing the power button after maintenance and being greeted with... absolutely nothing. Suddenly you're questioning every life decision that led to this moment, including whether compressed air should be classified as a weapon of mass destruction.

OH. MY. GOD. The Linux users have been BUSY this year! 🔥 A whole 41% increase in traffic on "that site" we're all thinking of but not naming? *dramatic gasp* While Windows users were casually browsing with a measly 14% increase, and Mac users apparently discovered the outdoors with their -26% drop, Linux enthusiasts were absolutely DEMOLISHING their keyboards at an unprecedented rate! Is it the terminal-based browsers for extra privacy? The fact that no one can see your screen when you're typing incomprehensible commands? Or maybe—just MAYBE—Linux users finally have nothing better to do since their systems are finally stable enough not to require constant maintenance? 💀 Whatever the reason, one thing's clear: when Linux users aren't compiling kernels, they're... um... "compiling" something else entirely!

The conference room is completely empty except for the world's loneliest table. Turns out when you're looking for universally beloved tech, you get PHP 6 (which never actually shipped), IPv5 (a failed experimental protocol that was skipped entirely), and Windows 9 (which Microsoft yeeted straight into the void). The joke writes itself: these "attendees" are either vaporware, skipped versions, or technologies so cursed they never saw the light of day. They can't be hated if they don't exist. *taps forehead* Meanwhile, every other technology is out there getting roasted daily on Twitter. JavaScript? Too many frameworks. Python? Slow as molasses. Rust? The evangelists won't shut up. But these three? Pure, untarnished, because they never had the chance to disappoint anyone.