Honest Developer Gets Promoted To Customer

The classic "idea guy" in game development strikes again! Nothing makes actual developers run for the hills faster than someone who's done all the "hard work" of coming up with an idea while expecting you to do the trivial part of... you know... actually building the entire game. It's like saying "I've designed a rocket ship on a napkin, now all you need to do is the engineering, physics, and actually launching it into space!" Sure buddy, let me drop everything and work on your revolutionary "Flappy Bird but with zombies" concept for free.

The indie game dev experience in one perfect image. While everyone else is labeled "ME" doing all the visible work, there's that one poor soul circled in blue labeled "ALSO ME" clinging to the back of the car for dear life. That's your sanity hanging on by a thread while you try to be a one-person game studio. "I'll just wear all the hats," you said. "How hard could it be?" you asked. Now you're simultaneously the coder fixing bugs, the artist tweaking pixels, the marketer crafting tweets, and somehow still your own worst enemy sabotaging the whole operation with feature creep. The vehicle is somehow still moving forward though, so... success?

Finding a C++ expert who's also interested in your half-baked game idea is like finding a unicorn who does your taxes. Most people would run away. But not our protagonist. No, they see this as the perfect opportunity to level up their relationship game. Because nothing says "I'm serious about you" like exploiting someone's programming skills for your Unity project that'll definitely be "the next big thing."

The code is a perfect example of why game developers shouldn't be allowed near RNGs unsupervised! 😂 What we're looking at is a glorious mess of Python where someone created two nearly identical functions ( count_greater_than_11 and count_greater_than_5 ) that generate random numbers between 1-20 and increment a counter when the number exceeds a threshold. But wait! The function names and comments don't even match - one says "greater than 11" in the comment but checks for > 10 in the code, while the other claims to check for > 5 but actually checks for > 4! And then there's that lonely is_divisible_by_7 function at the bottom, just hanging out with no apparent connection to anything else. It's like someone started implementing their own version of RNG bias with specific magic numbers, got bored halfway through, and shipped it anyway. This is probably why that boss battle feels unfairly difficult every 7th attempt...

OH. MY. GOD. This is the coding equivalent of finding a HAIR in your GOURMET MEAL! 💀 Imagine spending TWO YEARS hunting for a performance bug while your game crawls like a snail having an existential crisis, only to discover you've got nested loops iterating through EVERY. SINGLE. PIXEL. of a sprite with a light diffusion algorithm running INSIDE that loop! 🔍 The absolute DRAMA of having your game's framerate PLUMMET because someone decided to process lighting effects with the computational efficiency of a potato calculator! And that recursive position_meeting() check? *faints dramatically* It's practically BEGGING the CPU to burst into flames! No wonder they had to rewrite the entire engine! This code is the reason therapists stay in business! 😭

Nvidia's marketing department working overtime to impress people who haven't upgraded since 2012! Comparing their shiny new RTX 5060 Ti to the ancient GT 710 is like bragging that your Tesla outruns a horse and buggy. "50x faster" sounds impressive until you realize they're benchmarking against a GPU that was already budget-tier when Obama was president. Next headline: "New iPhone charges 100x faster than telegraph machines!"