So Excited About These "Exciting" Tools

Open source influencers flexing their New Year's contributions like they just bench-pressed the entire internet. "Just casually merged my PR into the Linux kernel at 12:01 AM while you were busy with champagne." Sure buddy, and I bet your code runs on "millions of containers" too. The only thing more inflated than these claims is their ego. Next they'll tell us they invented Git while brushing their teeth this morning. 💪

The bell curve of architecture wisdom strikes again! On the left, we have the blissfully ignorant junior dev who's happy with a monolith because they don't know any better. In the middle, the insufferable mid-level architect screaming about microservices like they've discovered fire. And on the right, the battle-scarred senior who's been through enough distributed system nightmares to circle back to "just use a damn monolith." Nothing like spending six months untangling a hairball of 47 microservices communicating through a message queue that nobody understands anymore just to realize it could've been three functions in one repo.

Ah yes, the classic expectation vs. reality of container deployment. In the cloud, your containers are neatly organized on massive infrastructure with redundancy and professional management. Meanwhile, on your poor overloaded Ubuntu laptop, it's just boxes crammed into a car that's one Docker command away from complete system collapse. That feeling when you've got 17 containers running and your fan sounds like it's preparing for liftoff. Your laptop isn't hosting containers—it's being held hostage by them. And yet we keep typing "docker-compose up" like memory is infinite and thermal throttling is just a myth.

Samson lost his power when his hair was cut. Achilles was invincible except for his heel. And junior programmers? They're completely defenseless against Webpack and Docker. Nothing quite like watching a new dev's soul leave their body during their first container orchestration meeting. "Just configure your dependencies in the yaml file" might as well be "just perform brain surgery with a spork." The real hero's journey isn't slaying monsters—it's surviving the first deployment without having an existential crisis.

The bell curve of developer intelligence has spoken: only the truly enlightened (bottom 0.1% and top 0.1%) understand that standalone binaries are superior, while the mediocre 68% in the middle are screaming about containerized environments like they've discovered fire. It's the perfect illustration of how software development fashion works - the beginners and masters quietly compile to binaries while everyone with average intelligence overcomplicates deployment with Docker manifests, Kubernetes configs, and seventeen layers of abstraction just to run "Hello World." The cosmic joke? Those containers are ultimately running binaries anyway. Full circle, but with extra steps.

The moment you decide to "just try out" Jenkins CI. Next thing you know, you're knee-deep in YAML files at 3 AM, questioning your life choices while that smug little Jenkins mascot just stands there... smiling . It's always the friendly-looking tools that destroy your weekend. Classic bait and switch. You came for automation, stayed for the dependency hell.