The Friday Deployment Russian Roulette

The first comment: "When I do git blame, it's not about finding the person who did the mistake. I want to find out when the code was added, which task it was related to, and if I need more details, the person who wrote the code." The reply: "I use git blame just to make sure it wasn't me before I go on a tirade..." Ah yes, the two types of developers. The professional who uses tools for their intended purpose, and the rest of us who just want plausible deniability before ranting in Slack. Nothing quite like that moment of relief when you discover someone else wrote that abomination, followed by the crushing realization it was actually you from three years ago.

That moment when your mental wellness is doing a spectacular belly flop off the waterslide while your project deadlines just sit there sipping coffee, completely unmoved by your suffering. The code won't write itself, but your sanity is definitely writing its resignation letter. Seven sprints in and the burnout is real, but those JIRA tickets keep multiplying like rabbits with a productivity fetish. Management's solution? "Let's add a wellness channel in Slack!" Yeah, that'll fix everything.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute BETRAYAL! 😭 You know what's worse than a dog bite? Having your precious code MURDERED by management! You spent HOURS—possibly DAYS—crafting that beautiful feature with your blood, sweat, and tears... only for some suit to casually declare it "unnecessary" like they're deciding what toppings to skip on a pizza! The dog didn't bite you physically, but management just took a chainsaw to your SOUL! And the worst part? This happens EVERY. SINGLE. SPRINT. I'm going to need therapy after this one!

Who needs Dropbox when you've got unlimited repos? The real GitHub pro move isn't collaboration—it's exploiting that sweet, sweet free storage. Nothing says "senior developer" like having a private repo called "vacation_pics_2023" with 500 commits that are just JPEGs of your dog at the beach. GitHub staff probably wondering why someone needs to version control 8GB of wedding photos with commit messages like "final_final_ACTUALLY_FINAL.jpg".

Nothing says "I'm processing my emotions in a healthy way" like stacking five Dell servers in your bedroom and spending 72 sleepless hours configuring container orchestration. The sweet hum of overheating hardware drowns out those pesky feelings, and the electricity bill that rivals a small nation's GDP is totally worth it. Who needs a therapist asking about your childhood when you can debug YAML files at 3 AM? It's not hoarding if it's infrastructure .

The ultimate programmer flex: telling someone to "use vim keys" instead of arrow keys. This meme perfectly captures the elitism of Vim users who navigate with hjkl and look down on the peasants using arrow keys. The reply "Skill issue" is the programming equivalent of "git gud" - because obviously your testosterone levels are directly proportional to your ability to memorize keyboard shortcuts from the 1970s. Next time someone complains about tiny arrow keys, just stroke your neckbeard and whisper " I use Vim btw " while maintaining uncomfortable eye contact.