When Your Shower Uses GitHub More Than You

For those not in the know, "LGTM" = "Looks Good To Me" - the four most dangerous words in code review history. This tweet brilliantly captures Silicon Valley's work-life balance (or complete lack thereof). When your Uber driver is simultaneously reviewing pull requests while navigating traffic, you know tech culture has gone too far. The ultimate multitasking fail: merging code while merging lanes. Somewhere, a project manager is thrilled about the increased productivity while everyone else is praying they make it to their destination alive. The hustle culture has officially jumped the shark!

Ah, the digital equivalent of sweeping dust under the rug. Nothing says "job security" like maintaining a codebase where 60% is commented-out functions nobody dares to touch. The irony of having a function called getKeywords while half the actual keywords function is commented out is just *chef's kiss*. Future archaeologists will study these code fossils and wonder if we were preserving ancient artifacts or just too scared to hit the delete key.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute CARNAGE of code reviews! 💀 Four people MERCILESSLY beating the life out of the fifth with their "suggestions" and "best practices." Meanwhile, that poor developer is just CRAWLING on the ground, begging for mercy after submitting what they thought was perfectly acceptable code! The psychological TRAUMA of seeing your precious if-else statements get absolutely DEMOLISHED by Karen from backend who just HAS to point out that you could've used a switch statement instead. THE HORROR!

OH. MY. GOD. Someone just discovered GitHub isn't the download section of Best Buy! 😱 The ABSOLUTE TRAGEDY of trying to find that precious .exe file on a platform that's LITERALLY DESIGNED for source code sharing! It's like walking into a library and having a meltdown because they don't sell hamburgers! THE HORROR! GitHub stores CODE, sweetie - you know, those magical text files developers use before they're compiled into executables? You're supposed to clone the repo or download the source and build it yourself like a grown-up developer! But sure, let's blame the "weirdest file sharing site" because clicking that big green "Code" button and understanding what a repository is would be TOO MUCH EFFORT! 💅

Suddenly your janky, sleep-deprived code transforms into a sophisticated masterpiece the moment it hits the repository. Left side: disheveled cat representing your actual code—a horrifying amalgamation of Stack Overflow snippets and desperate hacks that somehow passes all tests. Right side: the same cat in a tuxedo representing how you present that same code in Git commits—"Implemented elegant solution utilizing advanced design patterns." The duality of development: what makes it work versus what you claim made it work.

The "asking for a friend" of development. Nothing says "I've already done something catastrophic" like a junior dev casually inquiring about API key removal from git history. That look from the senior dev isn't suspicion—it's the realization that the weekend is now canceled and the entire team is about to learn what a force push really means. Somewhere in the background, the company's security team just felt a disturbance in the force.