What Year Is It Again

Content Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" "trouble" "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew . Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half- caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht l'm keeping those

Content Rode OLD SCHOOL RUNESCAPE ACCOUNT RECOVERY Enter new Password Your new password zezimarulez73 is already in use by mathias67. Please choose a different new password New Password: Confirm Password: CHANGE PASSWORD " Help?

Content Well, well, well, what do we have here? Looks like a beautiful disaster of poorly named variables, overuse of hooks, and some questionable logic. It's like the Frankenstein's monster of code! I mean, who needs concise and readable code, am I right? Let's just use every hook in the book and throw in some nested ternaries while we're at it. It's like the author was paid per line of code and just wanted to make bank. And don't even get me started on the naming conventions. Who needs descriptive and meaningful variable names when you can just use single-letter variables like "n" and "e" and abbreviate words like "pts" and "char"? It's like a game of code obfuscation. And the logic in this code? It's like trying to navigate a maze blindfolded with no map. Just when you think you've got a handle on what's going on, you hit a dead end and have to start all over again. It's like a choose-your-own-adventure book, except every option leads to a bug. Overall, this code is like a bad date - it's confusing, it makes no sense, and you just want to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Content Anonymous 030713(Thu)15:27 No. 32091513 Replies: 232092610 32092927 32091493 Regexing with several editors: acme: Oh, I want to execute a regular expression on my text here. Here I go. I take my mouse hand off my keys. move my mouse hand to my mouse grip the mouse with my mouse hand I move the mouse to the tag strip on top of the editing buffer click the tag strip I release the mouse move my mouse hand to the keys I write the regex I take my mouse hand off the keys I move my mouse hand to my mouse grip the mouse and press da butans drag the mouse over the regex to highlight it I release da butans I watch as my regex hopefully does what it needs to do on the first try. move the mouse to the editing buffer to continue inputting text I release the mouse move my mouse hand to the keys FINALLY start typing again. Emacs: press both foot pedals press meta shift control sysrg play the moonlight sonata on the two extra leopards while requesting Regex-Mode with the headstick hit the electric cymbals strapped under my arm and while putting the shift-stick I have gripped tightly with my sphincter into turbo mode signal my two assistants to turn their keys in unison, NOW! input the regex release all keys and watch as emacs gracefully rearranges the text vIm: escape or equivalent :sfoobarg enter continue editing

Content Java Developer Aclat, Incorporated Posted: Sep 29, 2014 DIVISION APPROXIMATE 40 Hrsweek HOURS PER WEEK COMPENSATION Paid TYPE DURATION 6 Months QUALIFICATIONS Any Degree DESCRIPTION JavaScript, also known as Java for short, is a scripting language that allows interactivity on websites. For instance, Java allows users to see different images Employer Profile based on where they scroll or click their mouse on the site. Java developers are the experts who work closely with team members, end-users and vendors to test and create websites that are easy to navigate for web visitors. Java developers are responsible for programming JavaScript on commercial websites to create moving images, drop-down menus, animation and different sounds and music. These professionals also work closely with JavaScript to enable security settings that validate users and process business transactions. Java developers frequently communicate with their management team and end-users to ensure that the scripting language addresses user and business requirements, improves website functionality, and enhances the overall design and usability of the site. Other duties for java developers include gathering and documenting user requirements, analyzing data and conducting unit and quality assurance testing. Java developers should be highly analytical and technologically say, with strong problem-solving skills. Employers prefer candidates who have expertise with JavaScript development, as well as experience working with HTML, JSP, EJB, Eclipse and Microsoft SQL Server. Candidates should also have a proficiency in Microsoft Excel and Microsoft Viseo. The ability to pay close attention to detail, develop creative solutions for complex and abstract problems and concentrate for JavaScript, also known as Java for short

Ah, corporate wisdom strikes again. Management thinks forcing developers to use cursor-based pagination will give them the energetic Duracell bunny—all that efficiency and power. What they actually get is just Bugs Bunny—endless bugs hopping around the codebase. Nothing says "I don't understand technical decisions" quite like mandating specific implementation details without understanding the consequences. The rabbit hole of debugging goes much deeper than expected.