The Intern's Production Database Adventure

Content Dhanush N DhanushXen HTML - for structure CSS - for style Javascript - for fun React - for work C - for dinosaurs C-for college Swift - for UI Ruby - for rails Query - for legacy Python - for science Typescript - for safety Java - for 3 billion devices 8:29 AM 02 Jul 21 ZIappo.com 603 Retweets 58 Quote Tweets 3,062 Likes 17 ProdrammerHumor.io

When a site tells you "your new password can't be the same as your old password," they're supposed to be comparing hashed values, not storing your actual password in plaintext. If they know what your old password was , they've already failed Security 101. The fact that a Fortune 500 company did this is like finding out your bank keeps everyone's money in a shoebox under the receptionist's desk. Ten years in tech and I'm still amazed at how many multi-billion dollar companies can't figure out basic password security.

Government agencies finally entering the digital age but making the worst possible tech choices? *Chef's kiss* Nothing says "we hired consultants from 2003" quite like rejecting clean, lightweight JSON in favor of bloated XML files that require a PhD to parse. The kind of decision that makes developers contemplate career changes to literally anything else. Fun fact: Some government systems still use COBOL, a language older than the moon landing. At this rate, they'll discover JSON around the same time we colonize Mars.

Content It worked on my machine status annoyicus medburnbook 2d give me a horror story from your specialty in five words or less 4:57 AM 24 May 20 Twitter Web App

Family gathering downstairs? Nah. Turkey dinner? Pass. Opening presents? Maybe later. But committing your AWS credentials and database passwords to a public repo in a blurry .env file while sitting alone with your laptop? Now that's the holiday spirit. Nothing says "Merry Christmas" quite like exposing your entire infrastructure to the internet. The tree is decorated, the lights are twinkling, and your BETTER_AUTH_SECRET is about to become everyone's secret. At least the photo is blurry enough that we can only read like 80% of those credentials. Security through jpeg compression—a strategy as old as time. Pro tip: Next year, maybe add .env to your .gitignore before you add it to your Christmas card.

Content AND REMEMBER: LAWFUL GOOD OK. START THE REIEASI LAWFUL NEUTRAL DON'T MAKE AN THE CLIENT'S LEAVEIT AS IT IS WE WILL CHARGE I AS A FEATURI LAWFUL EVIL I REPLACED THIS SAY WE MAKE NEUTRAL GOOD CHAOTIC GOOD ALL COLORS ARE DECLARED LIKE TEEM, ENES CANBE ANOw, we USeD THE WE'LL NEED 3 DAYS BUTH THE CLIENTT TRUE NEUTRAL CHAOTIC NEUTRAL ...ND THEY TOLD ME WE DECIDED TO STORE THEIR PASSWORDS FIND THE PROBLEN NEUTRAL EVIL CHAOTIC EVIL