My C Code Isn't Working Guys

In Rust, you have to explicitly mark code as unsafe when you're about to do something that might summon demons from the ninth circle of memory hell. Meanwhile in C++, the entire language is basically one giant unsafe block where dangling pointers and buffer overflows are just part of the authentic experience. It's like driving a car with no seatbelts, airbags, or brakes—but hey, at least it's fast! The irony is that in C++, the unsafe part is invisible—it's just assumed you enjoy living dangerously. Rust at least has the courtesy to make you type out "I know what I'm doing" before it lets you shoot yourself in the foot.

Sure, your 1000 lines of C++ run 100x faster than my 10 lines of Python. But while you were writing those thousand lines, I finished the project, had lunch, refactored twice, and still had time to scroll through Reddit. That torch of performance might look impressive, but the real caveman move is spending three weeks micro-optimizing what could've been done in an afternoon. Speed isn't just about execution time—it's about developer time too.

Ah yes, the anti-programming manifesto from someone who clearly had their code compile on the first try and couldn't handle the success. The author seems to believe computers should just magically do math without being told how. Next they'll expect their car to drive without a steering wheel because "wheels are circles, not driving devices." My favorite part is complaining about recursive methods with threads while typing this rant on a device powered by... wait for it... programming. That's like yelling at clouds for raining while standing under an umbrella. And that final while(true){ print(money); } snippet? If only it were that easy. I've been running that code for years and my bank account remains stubbornly unimpressed.

The smoothest pickup line in the C language universe. Referencing stdio.h (standard input/output header) with a hashtag for #include is basically the programmer equivalent of sliding into DMs. Guaranteed to work 60% of the time, every time. The only compiler error you'll get is if they respond with "Sorry, I prefer Python."

The language wars are getting brutal! C# thinks adding a number to a string makes "a1" because it's doing string concatenation. Python's like "that's not valid syntax, you fool!" Meanwhile, C is just sitting there with its empty string result because it's adding the ASCII value of 'a' (97) to 1, getting 98 (which is 'b'), but then comparing it to an empty string, which is... definitely not what anyone wanted. This is why we can't have nice things in cross-language teams.

Ah yes, the classic "my 1000-line C++ monstrosity is faster than your 10-line Python script" flex. Your C++ friend is standing there like a caveman who just discovered fire, proudly waving around their manually managed memory and pointer arithmetic while you're over there with Python like Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory, solving the same problem with elegant simplicity. Sure, their code runs 100x faster... after they spent 100x longer debugging segmentation faults and memory leaks. Meanwhile, you wrote your solution during your coffee break and went back to having an actual life. The real speed was the development time we saved along the way.