I Like My Memory How I Like My Sprints: Unmanaged

OMG THE HORROR! You mean to tell me that after years of learning fancy loops like while, for, do, and forEach, it was all just disguised goto statements the whole time?! 😱 The BETRAYAL! The DECEPTION! Our entire programming education has been one massive conspiracy theory! Next you'll tell me that object-oriented programming is just spicy procedural code and I will absolutely LOSE IT. My entire coding identity is SHATTERED. *dramatically faints onto keyboard*

When you realize that both JavaScript and C++ can be represented as either a massive rhinoceros or a delicate butterfly depending on which parts you actually use. The "Good Parts" books are basically saying "Here's how to avoid getting impaled by the language you're forced to use at work." Honestly, the fact that both languages need books specifically to identify their non-terrible features is the most savage burn in computer science history.

C/C++ is like that horror movie villain who keeps coming back no matter how many times you think they're dead. For decades, newer languages have shown up with their fancy garbage collection and memory safety, smugly declaring "this will kill C/C++." Meanwhile, C/C++ is just chilling at its own funeral, pointing at itself and grinning because it knows it'll still be running critical infrastructure when all these trendy languages are long forgotten. The language literally predates the internet and yet somehow still powers it. Try replacing those low-level drivers and operating systems with your shiny new language... I'll wait.

Ah, the infamous donut.c! Non-programmers think we're building fancy holograms and saving the world, but in reality we're spending 14 hours writing ASCII art that renders a spinning torus in the terminal. The absolute peak of C programming isn't creating operating systems—it's crafting mathematically precise donut code that outputs... another donut. It's the programming equivalent of Inception, but with more trigonometry and fewer Leonardo DiCaprios. The real flex isn't that it works, but that someone managed to format the code itself into a donut shape while it generates a donut. That's not just programming—that's art .

A parody of the iconic "For Dummies" book series that offers the ultimate solution to C++ frustration: complete abandonment of programming. The book promises to help you "forget OOP in 5 days," explore radical concepts like "weekends," and master advanced techniques such as "throwing away your computer." Perfect for the developer who's had enough pointer arithmetic to last several lifetimes. The true senior developer path isn't learning more languages—it's learning to touch grass.

Global variables are the chaotic neutral entities of programming—existing everywhere and nowhere simultaneously. When you interrogate one about its memory allocation, it just stares back with those creepy wolf eyes: "I'm neither stack nor heap but another secret third thing." It's like that roommate who somehow lives in your apartment but never pays rent or shows up on the lease. The memory management gods are watching, and they're judging your life choices.